Friday, October 19, 2007

Insert Expletive Here

Mini vans. It's always those !*$@ mini vans.

Don't get me wrong, grew up with one. BUT, my mom is from Ohio, which means she isn't your typical Utah mormon mom driver. Plus, she just bought a Honda Pilot, so she is no longer part of the group that is mini van. (My little sister is) I mean, sure, I am believing in the typical 'mormon-mom-12-kids-swerving-across-lanes-on-her-cell-phone-trying-to-feed-the-infant-in-the-back-seat-while-helping-the-preschooler-with-their-homework-and-not-using-their-$#*&!-blinker' stereotype. They just make it so easy.

Daily I am almost killed while driving. The culprit? Minivans. Okay, and BYU students, but mostly minivans.

Case and point, and I'll even give you more than one example.

EXHIBIT A : Alicia and her morning bike ride.

Alicia is my massage therapist. Her other occupation is wonder woman. (Career, 2 kids, triathlons, and century rides?!) She was riding her bike one morning, and while I don't know the entire story, I do know that it was a minivan and I'm pretty sure she said the lady was on her cell phone...anyway...she ran Alicia off the road. Alicia was in the BIKE LANE! 'Nuff said. Alicia was okay, just sore and some road rash, but seriously.

EXHIBIT B : Kenna and her drive to the SLC.

Last week I was on my way to the airport to pick up my boss. As I am passing Lindon, I notice this green Dodge caravan driving quite recklessly. First red flag: If I'm noticing that someone is driving recklessly, they must be. So I sped up a little to avoid it. As I am getting towards the point of the mountain, this *$@! driver keeps cutting me off, swerving in and out of the carpool lane. (That's 20 bucks every time you cross the white line) I looked over and glared at the driver. This is what I saw, and I wish I could have taken a picture, but he (yeah, it was a guy, but still a mini van) was on his cell phone, had his left foot up on the dash, and he was driving with his elbow and his big toe. I thought to myself, "God, let this dude crash into me so I can sue him."

Sigh, always minivans. Just this morning I was at the light by Costco and some chick in a minivan not paying attention sat through the light. I honked, but no budge. Then, as I am passing her she has the nerve to glare at me. Nuh uh, honey, I don't play like that. I don't care if you have 3 screaming kids in the back. That's your own fault. Just let me get to work, savvy?

*Thanks to Alicia. She took one for the team in my growing case against minivans.
**This is only my first of a string of posts about Mormon culture. Be advised.


Anonymous said...

Kenna you are funny! Yeah I try to avoid any car that seems to not be in total control. I am sorry about your friend that is scary! and the main reason I don't ride a bike. :)

Josh n' Katie said...

I'm glad that there is someone else in the world that shares my feelings on mini vans! My favorite has got to be the one we saw the other night with the hot pink and purple bolt down the side! That topped of the night for was way better then the toaster one!

Cody and Rachelle Christensen said...

I think that I might have to quit my job in order to keep up with your blog...I really like it and I hope that one day my blog can compare with yours! PS I will bring the check over for the internet, Cody totally found out about it and I cant keep him off...I knew this would happen!

Cody and Rachelle Christensen said...

So please tell me that your job is more exciting than mine. We are in are slow season so from now until about February... The office just next to mine ordered Cafe Rio, and it smells amazing. By the way Boston totally won last night! That means game 1 of the world series is Wednesday night, we should watch it.

Erin said...

Alright people. Let's give minivans a break. I personally blame SUV drivers who think they own the road and have a right to take up 2 or 3 parking spaces.

Geoff & Cali said...

Or people on bikes who zip in and out through everybody at twice their speed. THAT's not a driving hazard either!!

Ash said...

Why is it that there is some magnetic pull for horrible drivers to purchase hideous mini vans? You and my husband could probably sit down and chat about this for hours.

Dshaw said...

Your daily posts definitely indicate a need to get out of happy valley.

Erin said...

Ahem. They have a minivan that has swivel seats that can face the back and a table in the middle. I don't care who you are, but that is cool, especially for road trips.

Karen and Dave: said...

Hey, I found YOUR blog! I loved this entry...I don't like vans, either. I'll never own one! But for me, SUVs are much worse. You know...the way they just think that can park anywhere or drive right over medians and stuff in the middle of the road. It's not cool.

Related Posts with Thumbnails