Thursday, September 4, 2008

{...brain waves...}

You all know what time it is?


I hate getting used to new lenses. All day I've felt like I am walking through a wacky mirror fun house, and we all know how much I HATE carnies.

I feel kinda retarded because my last post got a whole 3 comments. I find that when I write about more serious things it tends to scare people way.

This is my heart bleeding before you, this is me down on my knees.

I just looked up the Red Robin menu so I can order fast-like when I'm at dinner tonight. Yes, I am THAT hungry.

We carry on our back the burden time always reveals. In the lonely light of morning, in the wound that would not heal. It's the bitter taste of losing everything that I've held so dear.

Why do I bite my nails?

I have recently rekindled my love for the show 'Arrested Development.' Why it only ran 3 seasons is beyond me. I purchased season 1 yesterday, and I think that I will have to browse Amazon for seasons 2 and 3.

I wrote the gospel on giving up.

The thought of becoming a mom scares the hell out of me. Then again, I can't think of anything that would make me happier. Except maybe a million dollars, because then I could buy like, 3 or 4 of them.

Got postcards from my former self saying, 'How you been?'

I really hope those anonymous commenter's make themselves known. I really, really want to chat it up with the gal who spent 35K on her baby. She should know that she's my hero.

Did you ever know that you're my heeeeeeeeeerooooooooooo...'re everything I wish I could beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

Jackpot. I just found seasons 2 & 3 for 15 bucks each. Holla!

I own every Sarah McLachlan album. By every I mean EVERY. I have to admit I'm quite obsessed.

I have a bin at home I call the 'baby bin.' I toss all the baby stuff that I buy into it. I figure this is going to help out when we eventually are placed, but for now it just makes me cry. I don't want to be super unprepared, ya know?

Go to Heaven for the weather but to Hell to sell your soul. I'll show you where I went so long ago.

I am addicted to itunes.

...and I can fly (or soar, I don't remember) than an eagle...

I can honestly say that I dislike Bette Midler. Don't dig her music or her movies or anything related to her in anyway.

...'cause you are the wind beneath my wings...

When I woke up this morning and started talking to Studly, he said, 'What was that Jabba the Hut?' I have now decided that I am offended.

If the other gal in the office keeps talking to herself as loudly as she is I'm going to shoot her in the face with a rubber band next time she walks to the printer.

***I used a lot of song lyrics today, as that is literally what is going through my mind. For the Reader who can name the most song titles and artists I will personally take you out for some Cold Stone. If you don't live close I will send you a picture of me eating Cold Stone and you can just pretend. Song lyrics are in red.***


lauren said...

i'm so glad you have discovered the show that i love most. i really like this new feature of your blog. you know you have like 80+ readers, so don't fret because you only got three comments. oh yeah, and i heart you.

The De Souzas said...

1-Foolish Games, Jewel
2-Fallen, Sarah M.
3-This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race, FOB
4-Carpal Tunnel of Love, FOB
5, 7, 8-Wind Beneath My Wings, B. Midler
6-Hell to Sell, The Audition (NEVER heard of that before)

And now the confession: I totally cheated on number 6, using google of course, and I knew the others were Fall Out Boy songs but I had to look up the titles of the tracks. Jewel, Sarah M., and dear old Bette were all me, baby.

But since cheaters can totally prosper in today's society (and many ACTUALLY do), I still think I should win.

Oh, and I woke up this morning excited that it was Brain Waves Thursday. I might have to start something like that on my own blog.

The De Souzas said...

OH. And of course I recorded OTH. Maybe on Monday we need to go to Cold Stone, watch this past episode, and then watch the new one after that. Whaddaya say?

Erin said...

I'm jealous that you are eating at red robin. I always get the crunchy chicken salad with the poppyseed dressing. But I'm morally against ordering salads as my main course at restaurants so I order a side of fries to make up for it. I laughed at the thought of you sending someone a picture of you eating cold stone as their prize! haha

Michelle said...

Wow I think thats awesome that you have a "baby bin" I can never bring myself to buy baby stuff because i think I am jinksing myself.. I know thats stupid.. but only some people would understand.

Heidi said...

Okay, this is crazy/bizarre because of course, you still don't know me, but every time I read your blog and your infertility struggles I always think, "Oh, she should read my friend Leisha's blog." Leisha, you see, adopted two children through private adoption agencies, and then she is in the process of adopting a third through foster-to-adopt. You can get babies and then foster them and adopt them if they become available. It sounds weird, but really go link to her blog (Leisha in the link column) from mine and read all about it. Plus it only costs like $4000 as opposed to, you know, $35000.

If this is totally bizarre and offensive, then you know, just ignore me. That's what my husband does.

Cali said...

Hey, speaking of Sarah, did she come out with a new song? I thought I heard one the other day on the radio and then it disappeared.

Clint and Karley Root said...

i just wanted to say that i think you will be a great mom, i have seen your blog a few times and my heart aches that you have not gotten the child you want so badly, i don't even know you but i find myself remembering you and your husband. you will be able to help so many people going through what you went through because you have a way of speaking what your thinking. I wish you the best and also wish i could help.

Kristen said...

I am a fan of Brain Waves Thursday. I am likewise a fan of Arrested Development.

Oh, segue here, Bailey and I were watching 'Hope Floats' (don't judge) - did you know that Sandra Bullock's daughter in that is Ann Veal? Her? Hahaha! I laughed so hard.

Anyway, I was going to be comment #4 yesterday, but then I didn't. Fail.

Kayla said...

And still you couldn't decide what to order?

Shannon & Ryan said...

You've got to hear Bette's song: Miss Otis regrets she's unable to lunch today. You might like that one; it's quite catchy.
My mom had her cd growing up and you better believe I was dancing around with my fake microphone to that little ditty. But I do quite agree that wind beneath my wings could possibly be the most annoying song in the world.
How was Red Robin? I was so excited for you when you wrote that as your dining destination for the evening. Me and RR are tight...

Rich and Kellie said...

ok so I so didn't mean to post that game... cause I wasn't even finished ....whatev..and yes we are SO playing tonight... what should we do? The Park? Your house? The Bar?

The Squires' Fam said...

You need too try out watching all 9seasons of Beverly Hills 90210 to exprerience true joy. Hey I got em all to if ya want. Wow I'm such a looser. I so love 90210. I wish I still had my tie dyed 90210 sweat suit. Then I would be hella cool. Hella? I'm going to go to Hell! Hell? AAAAHHHHHH

The Squires' Fam said...

Oh and I totally think you should do jail bird of the week. Maybe Jail bird Wednesdays. I think that would be hilarious. Do it!!!! Puh-lease!!!

Trent and Janel Lyman said...


The Wendler Family said...

That was super fun to read. Some days I have song lyrics going through my head like that, well maybe not as random, maybe like going back to the same song about different things I see or do or words I hear... Anyway, I hope you are doing well, that you enjoyed your REd Robin and that's that "gal" stops talking to herself.

Tatum said...

Arrested Development was ahead of it's time. It's a big hit at our house! Have you ever watched Curb your Enthusiasm...that's a good one too!

D said...

I have a cousin who has adopted a lot of kids(6 now I think) through the foster to adopt method. The good part is you are paid to foster(at least here in CA they do- I don't think it's much just room and board type stuff) and they need you. And they make you babyproof like crazy so you don't have to worry about what the baby is getting into when all of a sudden they can roll. The bad part is they have fostered many more babies than they have been able to keep and some get given back to some crazy situations which is heartbreaking. Sometimes the adoptions have been smooth- with the last two the parents gave up their rights almost immediately. They have one daughter who is 12 now that they had to fight in court to keep and she has been damaged by the time she spent with her parents ( I think they got her before she was 2 but she had visitation for a long time- even the visits did damage). So she will be an interesting teenager... So it's up and down and all around... I hope you find peace in the decisions you have in front of you. Kids are definitely priceless and worth the fight. They are capable of causing great joy and great pain from the time they are a twinkle in our eye until oh forever. My prayers are with you even though I am just a random blog stalker...

Related Posts with Thumbnails