Wednesday, February 4, 2009


So last night I almost showed up on Erin's doorstep in tears. I had every intention of asking her if I could hold Maya until I felt better. Ammon would probably look at me funny, but I think Erin would have obliged. It seems as if Maya has a calming effect on me. When I hold her, I don't hurt. I don't think about what I have lost, what I want so badly, I just see her and I love her. It's quite amazing if you think about it.

Maya is not the first, however, but it seems as if these babies are few and far between. The even more interesting part is that I don't choose them. I don't think to myself, 'I am going to love THIS baby, but not THAT baby.' It just happens. Heaven knows I have been around a LOT of babies, but only some have capture my heart like that. Maya is the 2nd newborn I have ever felt comfortable with. (My little buddy Andrew being the first) Most of the time it takes me a couple months to warm up to them. (ie Hanna, Macy, Asher, Hadley)

I owe a huge 'THANKS' to the parents of all these kids. (some were not mentioned, my apologies) Thank you for sharing and making the hole in our hearts a little smaller. It means a lot that you allow us to be part of your children's lives. We feel privileged.


The Wendler Family said...

I hope your heart feels good while holding Miles too. :) (the uh, one time you held him, I understand it may take some more getting to know him time.) We should be thanking your- seriously, it was so nice ot have you holding him while we were chillin' at your house on Sunday.
It is very amazing that holding other's babies, the one's that are "chosen" can help you fell less pain. Awesome.

Eric & Jodi Eames said...

Isn't amazing what power kids have to heal? Anytime I'm having a sucky day all I have to do is go downstairs and chill with Macy and all my troubles melt away when she says "Moo" or dances to Beyonce. Kids are just so pure...some are more hellions than others.. not gonna lie, but it's pretty amazing that whether we have the power to bear children or not we still have the power to influence others lives for good. You've definately done that for me Kenna!! I luv ur guts for sure!!

lauren said...

i think it's beautiful you have come so far.

Erin said...

I wish you would have and so does Maya. Don't think twice next time.
-Ammon & Erin

Ammon said...

You're probably right about me giving you a funny look. I do that sometimes. However, any time you want to come over, you are welcome to hold Maya baby. Seriously, any time.

Katie said...

I think it is you that we need to be giving the huge thanks to! There aren't to many people that I know that would pull them selves up off of the floor from an afternoon nap to watch the neighbors kid. There also aren't to many people on my "ok to to leave kids with" list. Thank you Kenna for letting us be a part of your life and being there for our little's.

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