Sunday, February 8, 2009

{...healthy secrets...}

I apologize I have no cleaver diatribe to preface this post. Usually I like to use my cynicism to waste time when I write, but there is not time for that today.

So, let's jump right into it, shall we?

Infertility is complex, right? Right. We all know that, and if you didn't, you know it now because I talk about it a lot. A lot, a lot. Although it probably seems like I reveal all on my blog, it's only 50% or less of what's really going on. I think this is fine, of course, as infertility is so close to the heart, has so many ins and outs and pieces that you can't just toss them around lightly.

To save myself, to protect myself, I keep secrets.

My own infertility secrets.

I remember when Josh and I went through our third and last miscarriage. Our first 2 were much more public, but this one, we hadn't told anyone I was even pregnant, and we didn't want to talk about it because it was so emotional. It made it hurt more talking about it, explaining what happened, that yes, we were still 'trying' (I feel so weird saying that) and that obviously it was not working in our favor.

Ouch.

Each time, even now, saying that opens a huge gash in my heart.

So perhaps it is understandable when we keep secrets. Of course, this doesn't just refer to infertility, it's for any situation. I think we all subconsciously do whatever we can to protect ourselves from emotional pain.

Which is understandable, right?

I think so too, so for those of you who have done this or are doing this, you have my support.

8 comments:

lauren said...

why yes it is. as long as said secrets include studly, i believe you're completely entitled. especially concerning the situation you both find yourselves in all too often. (you know what i'm talking about of course.) your business is your business.

oh yeah, and i heart you. :)

Val'n'Ben said...

Thank you McKenna, is really all I can say.

Ash-face and J-pants said...

Its a self preservation thing a lot of the time. Still, I'm sorry. If there's anything I can do, albeit from 600 miles away, just let me know.

Jess said...

You truly are remarkable McKenna! I think everyone has their secrets, as long as you're not keeping them from studly (unless it's for a surprise) then it's all good! I love you McKenna, thank you so much for allowing me to be a part of your life. I absolutely love to read your blog, and I love your funny cynicism.

Ash-face and J-pants said...

Ha ha ha you kill me. Mine is the "my pancreas posted his two weeks notice and left me in a lurch and I can't find another one to replace it" kind so I used to think "I'll eat whatever I please. Nothing is going to change it." I used to freeze cake batter and eat it frozen (better than ice cream by the way). Anyway, my husband is a health nut and has rubbed off on me. I've started exercising more and eating tons of fruit and vegetables and my blood sugars have been so much easier to manage. I know this sounds disgusting, but we make smoothies almost every day with tons of fruit and spinach packed in. You can't even taste the spinach and it makes me feel healthy while drinking it. So there is my long response to your question.
I loved the mother-in-laws response, as if it's all about her.

Jen Nelson said...

Wha?? You mean a couple can have private moments between themselves and not tell the entire world? Interesting new concept...

Geez! Of course there are going to be things that people want (and SHOULD) keep to themselves!

There are a lot of things that are between you, your spouse and the Lord. Everyone else can suck an egg!

Holly & Kasey said...

I couldn't have said it better myself!

Kristin said...

Even people that seem very happy may have very private sad demons to deal with, I know. Some things we just have to do alone (or as a couple). Keep your head up! Obviously lots of people love and support you - just read all your comments.

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