Monday, June 1, 2009

...if you see me, remind me to breathe...

This road is anything but simple. Twisted like a riddle. I've seen highs and I've seen lows.

At this point in time I have never felt more emotionally spent. Never. In all my 24 years of living. There are so many parts of my daily routine that grate on so many aspects of me and my life. I think most of the time I keep my head down and push through, but lately it has become too much. There is only so much one person can take and, correct me if I'm wrong or if I sound presumptuous, but I have been dealt a hand that would cause anyone to squirm.

No, really. It's been hard. Like, so hard.

All of my resources have been drained. I have given all I felt I could, then more. There are nights when prayers can't make it past my lips because I don't have anything left. The hurt and sadness that accompany my specific life trials is quite unsettling. Then you must add in those things/people that/who make it even harder. Some are just oblivious, which happens, and you know, I'm sure I've had my own moments. Some are just jerks. Opposition in all things, right? However, I have been blessed with amazing family & friends who help 'cancel out' the bad.

Opposition in all things.

I can do this.

I can.


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Val'n'Ben said...

I was reminded of this scripture today during Stake Conference. I'm planning on writing an entire blog about it, but I wanted you to be the first to see it.

Joseph Smith has just poured out his heart to God while in the dungeons of Liberty Jail. Here is His answer to Joseph and to you.

(Doctrine and Covenants 121)

My daughter, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes. Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands. Thou art not yet as Job; thy friends do not contend against thee, neither charge thee with transgressions, as they did Job.

Cali said...

Kenna, yes you can do it. You are a strong person. Be sure to take care of yourself. :)

If you ever need/want to talk or just hang out and kick it old school, just let me know k! I'm here for ya!

Trent and Janel Lyman said...

I agree Kenna, you CAN do it! You've been given such specific trials in life. God knows how strong you are or He wouldn't have given these trials to you. He has more faith in you and your ability to endure. I know how that must sound, but it's seriously what I believe. I love what Val has said, such an awesome verse, D&C 122 is also so very good. One of my most favorite scriptures is there, vs 8 "The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?" Seriously one of my favorite favorite scriptures. It helps me to put things into perspective when I'm going through a rough patch in life. So thanks Val for reminding me about it. What you are going though sucks, no doubt about it. There are those few who are so clueless that make it worse, darn people! I'm so sorry that you have to go through this, wish with all my heart I could take it all away.

serenity said...

You can do it.

Just keep breathing. One step at a time, one breath at a time.



lauren said...

you can and you will. believe that.

Trent and Janel Lyman said...

There is nothing to gain from quitting or giving up. Think of all the wind sprints you did during soccer practice. They sucked made it so you almost couldn't breathe, but they only made you faster and stronger to beat your adversary. I actually had an asthma attack one time doing sprints the length of the field. I thought I was going to die and felt overcome as perhaps Joseph did in the sacred grove. I ended up jogging laps once I could breathe again. So once you can breathe it is ok to jog a couple of laps :)

Ashley Cooper said...

You can do it. Like serenity said, one step, one moment, one breath at a time. I love you and keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I hope I've never added to your pain, and apologize if I have. I love you!

Heather said...

Keep pushing through. Keep being you. If anyone can get through, you can.

The Lord never gives us anything we can't handle. But sometimes, that feels like a backhanded sort of compliment, doesn't it?

Thinking about you. Praying for you.

Ashley said...

I am sorry Kenna. I think someday that it will be ok. That's the best I can do. I think you know that, and obviously right now, it's not good enough. But reach back (and forward) to the days when it is enough until the day that it actually IS ok.

Jen Nelson said...

Hugs sweetie. Yes you can do it. One breath at a time.

libby said...


I've been reading through your blog, which I visited a while back, and I am touched by your situation. "I'm sorry" will never cut it, but I am. You're in my thoughts.

As for Teisha, what a small world! She is from Pittsburgh, and her parents live in my ward. I don't know her too, too well, but what I do know of her I love.

Thanks for your kind comment! It made my day!

Steve and Hailey said...

I know that feeling...when prayers kind of dribble out of your lips and you're not quite sure if they are heard. It's sometimes amazing to me that we chose to come to earth, but I know we did. :)

You and Josh make our life a lot more fun if that is any consolation. We are excited for your pinata! Jack has a triceratops for his birthday!

Shannon said...

Hang in there Kenna dear. Thinking about you...

The Jensen Family said...

Put one foot in front of the other.....keep going.....and someday you will realize it is not quite as difficult and you will be able to raise your head a little higher and take bigger steps, but until then, just hang on and go through the motions. The pain never really goes away, it just lessens its sting.
Somehow, Somewhere, this will all be compensated to you and you will receive your shiny crown and it will all be worth it! (seems unattainable but it will happen i promise)
hang in there! we are all rooting for you!

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