Monday, June 8, 2009

...all things considered...

It's a game and you're not the winner.

I've had multiple miscarriages, as many of you know. It's a haunting memory and I have kept it all inside for a reason. By my third, I lost all hope for full term pregnancy resulting in a live baby. My last miscarriage was in Oct. of '07.

To this day I still hurt over it.

The one thing that hurts just as much as going through it, is hearing that someone I care about has experienced this same pain. I know so many women who have had multiple miscarriages. Many have gone on to have healthy babies, many are still struggling through the dirty swamp that is infertility.

I can't explain the ebb and flow of emotions that accompany this specific experience.

It's simply earth shattering.

What enrages me even more, is seeing people who are very aware of others' situations and STILL treat them like junk. Guess what? Just because you are pregnant doesn't, in any way, shape or form, mean you are better than anyone else. Drop the superiority act. You don't have anything on anyone else. (Don't worry, I'm not talking about any of you, my dear readers. I don't think this person even reads my blog anymore, and if they do, they are not considered a 'dear reader.' If I had a problem with ALL pregnant women, well, I'd have no friends. It doesn't have to do with that at all. It has to do with how they treat the people around them.)

You. Are. No. Better.

I wish there was something I could do besides pray really hard that your pain subsides quickly. It will ease, and you will move through your day without thinking about it. Then one day, although I do not know when, but one day, you will hold your little one in your arms and finally...

Finally...

It will all have been worth it.




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9 comments:

Val'n'Ben said...

Thank you. I love you!

AJ said...

Amen! You rock kenna!

lauren said...

truer words were never spoken. i can only hope that someday these people will get it, that they can be sensitive to others, that they can try their best to be sympathetic. that's what being Christlike is all about. oh yeah and i love you.

Anonymous said...

You do not know me, but I lurk on your blog. I respect you so much for all the pain you have experienced and you still hold your head high. I can relate to having a miscarriage and it truly is the worst thing in the world. I only hope one day your prayers will be answered and you will receive a child. And don't forget that adoption is an amazing and wonderful thing and is always an option. I know that it doesn't make the hurt go away, but you could help a birth mother and her child to both have better lives. I believe that you will be a great mother. :)

Carlee Ann said...

One day... it will be worth it. Don't forget! Hang on!

Jen Nelson said...

Perfect.

Ashley Cooper said...

Beautifully written, as always.
I love you! *hugs*

Jamie said...

I love your honesty. You are very admirable to me. Sometimes there is nothing you can do for someone experiencing such pain except be there for them. And I know you are always there for the people you love, even when you are going through very difficult stuff yourself. You are totally unselfish. People are lucky to be your friend.

Jeremy and Rebecca said...

Dear Kenna- I don't know you personally, but I know your hurt, especially when the due dates come around, and mother's day can be so horrendous (it does fade with time and when you do have children, but never really goes away). I am so sorry, and while I can empathize, having lost 3 babies and gone through 6 years of infertility myself, I can't say I understand- because no one else can but our Savior, it is different for everyone. But I can tell you this- still hold out a little corner of your heart for hope- someday, somehow, your dream will come true. I know it's all consuming and hurts so much, especially since the majority of this country doesn't even acknowledge the loss of a pregnancy as the loss of a child, which it truly is, no matter how early. And with everything we went through- 6 years of unexplained infertility, impersonal docs, tons of embarassing tests, being sicker than a dog from fertility drugs, multiple d&c surgeries, huge medical bills, losing 3 babies with no reason why, and then coming so close to losing my oldest son when he didn't breathe at birth and experienced a brain injury causing cerebral palsy- yet I would do it all over again in a heartbeat as strange as that is- because of how much I learned, how much better a mom it makes me, how much more I love and appreciate my 3 little boys, and how much more I learned to rely on my Savior and my Father in Heaven for help every minute of every day. God Bless- HE WORKS MIRACLES, we just have to expect one and be willing to wait for it to happen in His time. Lots of love and prayers to you!
---Rebecca

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