Thursday, October 22, 2009

...the unknown...

"And the worst part is
Before it gets any better
We're headed for a cliff
And in the free fall I will realize
I'm better off when I hit the bottom"
                                                                  -Paramore, 'Turn It Off'

Let's start with a  visual, mmk?  (do not judge me based on my drawing ability, especially in paint.)

This is where I'm at right now.

Now, I don't think I'm a stranger to said, 'cliff.'  In fact, I think we have met many a time during my short existence.  However, I will never be comfortable in this place.  I actually think that's the point.  You can't be stagnant on a cliff.  You either move backward, or you jump.


Right now I'm getting ready to jump.  No parachute, no idea on what awaits me, but I'm gonna do it.  I swear.  On the count of three.  1...2...

Wait, maybe the count of 5?

I know this metaphor is quite cliche, but it makes the most sense to me.  (at least I'm not referencing Indiana Jones)  There are a lot of things going on here at, 'chateau de shumhead' and all these experiences and trials have lead me to the teetering edge.  Not in a bad way, but in a, now's the time to act in faith kind of way.  For those of you who have been readers here for a while, or that know me well in person, are aware that I have struggled in the faith department.  It's not something that comes easily at all to me.  It requires a lot of conscious effort on my part.  I know that acting on faith is never easy, for anyone, but I do think that some individuals have a gift in this department.  I admire them mucho.

These are the pivotal moments in life where you have to make a very real (and more often than not terrifying) choice to move forward (progress, stretch, learn, grow) or to walk away and cheat yourself out of experiences that can build a better you.  Confession: I have totally cheated myself more than once and I can honesty say I regret not having the faith and trust to make a move.  Or, rather, make the move that would be for my good.  (oh, I moved, I ran away from the edge of the cliff so fast...)  I missed out on experiences, relationships, lessons and most importantly, I missed out on becoming more of the person that Heavenly Father is trying (seemingly quite desperately with me, I learn slow) to mold me into.

You know what?

I'm not running away this time.

When all is said and done, I'm going to be grateful for this.

My hardest trials have lead me to the sweetest rewards.

A scripture from Alma comes to my mind.

Yea, I say unto you, my son, that there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you, my son, that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy
                                                                  -Alma 36:21


I see this as a promise.  A promise that if I endure my trials & experiences well, if I trust in my loving and ever mindful Heavenly Father (even though, yes, at times I feel completely forgotten), if I just KEEP GOING, I will (in HIS time, not mine, that's a whole 'notha post) experience this joy.

I know this.

The best part?

This applies to all of us.

We are better off when we hit the bottom.

Take a deep breath. 

On the count of 3.




learn more about the book of mormon here
and more about my faith here

ps.  two great songs to check out today.  here and here.  no, really.  your ears with be grateful.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic


lauren said...

so true. love that scripture too. and i love your drawing skills.

TIM&SHAN said...

WoW kenna , yet another post I needed to hear.
You are right through and through.
I have this saying on the back of my car that is Latin
Provehito In Altum
and it means
"Launch forth into the deep"
It's the motto from one of my favorite bands 30 seconds to Mars.
I really liked it because it implies that we must dive forward sometimes into the deep unknown places of our lives and just take a chance that something better is waiting for us on the other side. I love it but it is easier said than done;) Good luck on your leap and just remember you have an army of people who will jump with you.

Erin said...

You have no idea what reading that scripture meant to me today. Thanks you.

Michelle said...

My mom always says, "Jump, and the net will appear." So true, but hard to do sometimes! :)

Ashley Cooper said...

1. You are amazing.
2. Your writing totally rocks.
3. Your paint skills totally rock too.
4. I'm so glad you're my friend!
5. Thanks for being my friend. :)
6. I will probably read this post over and over again as a pick-me-up.
7. You should write a whole book all by yourself. :)

blakeandcourt said...

Kenna I LOVED this post. You are an amazing writer (and drawer too I might add).

KyleandGina said...

Kenna I love all our your posts. You add a lot of light to my life. I appreciate it. Keep them coming. Loved the scripture too by the way. It was perfect.

Shannon said...

This is a new favorite post...Very well said; I loved the tone, the honesty, the artist's rendition--everything. My favorite word? "Eekers." I'm totally going to use that word in a sentence today.

Geoff Stanley said...

good post. I enjoyed it. Thank you.

mrs. r said...

friend, your little cliff drawing is hilarious.

been there, lady. hold on!

Jill said...

Beautifully written my friend.

Carlee Ann said...

It's so true! Some of our hardest experiences bring the sweetest lessons. I would never volunteer for some of those experiences again but I wouldn't trade them in for the world because of what I learned.

BUSNINJA said...

That quote we've all heard about "courage is not the absence of fear; it is action in the presence of fear"? That quote is true. And epitomized by you.

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