Friday, October 2, 2009

...what's in a dream...


In my head I've always had my own definition for dreams. 'Explosions of our unconscious thoughts.' You know, say a train carrying your frustrations with global warming collides with a train holding some weird angsty feelings about high school. All of a sudden you are naked out side your old Junior High in the snow trying to solve that stupid math problem about trains.  (No, I have never, ever needed to use what I learned from that problem in real life.  Never have I been on a train going to China at 117 MPH with a different train going somewhere else with someone I needed to meet up with them on it or whatever.)  But I digress...

A friend of mine described her take on dreams with me.  'I believe in dreams as revelation.  I believe it is one of the ways that the Lord speaks to us, conveys ideas and comfort, etc.'

Let's all take a breath and say, 'Wow' together.  I like her thoughts WAY better than my own.

You see, last night I had a dream.  I rarely even remember dreams (thank you  meds) so it's rare that I wake up and have a vivid recollection of my slumber thoughts.  Even if I do remember, I usually forget by the time I get out of the shower.  

Last night I had a dream that Studly and I were the recipients (via adoption) of a sweet little one.  A little boy, whom we named E (I'm not giving that away).  He was adorable, with dark eyes and beautiful, untamed, dark brown hair.  We held him, we loved him.  I could even smell him.  (Studly says he doesn't smell in his dreams, do you?)  While meeting our little guy for the first time, we had a photographer friend there with us.  We trust her and wanted her to be there during this special moment because she has a talent of capturing emotion in her photos.  As I was taking in that sweet baby smell she made a comment to me.  She whispered, 'Now how many people get their own definition of hope sent to them directly from God?'  I replied, 'Everyone.'  Then she said, 'No, not like this.'

Then I started to cry.


She kept taking pictures.


I woke up.



Waking up from this dream was hard.  Not only because is fan freakin' tastically cold outside and underneath my covers I was toasty warm, but because I wanted to go back to that moment.  To those smells, those emotions.  That is exactly what we have been fighting so hard for.  What we ARE fighting so hard for.  Our journey to a sweet little was not meant to be easy, short, or traditional.  You know what?  We have accepted that.  I'm not going to say that was easy, but we have managed.  We have faith that it will all work out eventually.

But do we have hope?

I think these words are really hard to distinguish from one another at times.

I'm trying to have HOPE.  I'm learning about HOPE, thinking about HOPE, trying to be HOPEFUL.

Now, I don't know what my dream was.  I tend to be 'iffy' about dreams in general.  (too many science and psychology classes I suppose)  However, I want to believe that this was meant to calm me.  To provide comfort, to teach me to have HOPE.

Turns out, a pal of mine told me earlier this week that she had a dream.  A dream that Studly and I adopted a beautiful baby boy, with crazy, brown hair and dark eyes.  No, I'm not making this up.

I'm not saying this dream will play out to the detail.

What I am saying is maybe this is meant to show me what it is we are working so hard for.

We are FIGHTING to get through this.  Tooth and nail.

We want to bring our little home.

We have hope that this will happen.


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13 comments:

lauren said...

beautiful post. maybe this was just the confirmation you needed to help you have a bit more hope. because it will happen. and more than just have the faith and the hope that it will, you need the knowledge that it will.

and you're well on your way.

Trent and Janel Lyman said...

I love it!! You are amazing.

And I sure hope my dreams aren't EVER going to come true, cuz I have physco crazy dreams....the other day I dreamed I gave birth to a 26lb baby! I'm sure it had something to do with that article I had read earlier in the day about the 19lb baby that was born somewhere in Asia...

You're dream will come true, I know it will! And I cannot wait for that day. We'll have one kickin' baby shower!

Kayla said...

That is so cool! Well, you know I'm rooting for you! Can't wait till you have your little.

Roger and Tasha said...

Thats neat kenna! thanks for sharing

TIM&SHAN said...

WOW Kenna, I can so relate. Right after I had my very first miscarriage I had the same dream twice a week apart. I dreamed that a MOm and a young girl rang our doorbell and then handed a little girl with dark curly hair and a pink dress to us and said "she belongs with you'
I woke up crying because I had never felt so much love for another human being in my life than when I was there in that dream.
I knew the lord was sending me that dream to see that I would be a mother and that i would one day adopt. I knew that he had sent me that dream to give me hope for my future also. I am so glad he sent this to you. It is a sign of his mercy and love for us. what a blessing!
PS...I still to this day have never dreamed about having a baby myslef or being pregnant, and you know what, I am ok with that too;)
i feel like you are my sista from anotha mista;)

Wright Bunch said...

Beautiful. absolutely beautiful.
and i have hope for you.
he's coming- i'm sure of it.
With that hope, remember faith. trough your faith the Lord will work miracles.
a miracle that we will call your little.
Can't wait to see it all unfold.
Lot's of prayers your way!

Kenna said...

You know what Shan? In all my dreams, I've never been pregnant or given birth. Ever. The babes have always been given to me. Hmmm, I've never thought about that until now.

TIM&SHAN said...

At first I couldnt stand that. I would even torture my self and watch shows about giving birth right before I would go to bed so I would maybe know what it feels like in a dream..and still nothing.
BUT when I had those dreams it changed my life. As I see it has yours. Its the most amazing feeling to hold your itty bitty. I used to think that I couldnt adopt because that meant I was ok with no having my own...and I am so not ok with not having my own. BUT that is so far from the truth. Adopting is having your own. The "little" that was meant to be with you;)
Some people think you cant possibly love anothers biological child as much as your own, and I say bull crap. Just because your child wa brought to earth through another doesn mean it wasnt meant for you and your hubby;) The Lord always provides a way for his precious children who plead a rightcheous cause to him.

Ashley Cooper said...

Ooh, I got chills. I love it, and I love you!

Jewls said...

Oh Kenna I love you! I have dreams like that occasionally too, and I totally know the feeling of not wanting to wake up! Your babies will come, I just know it, and when they do you'll be such a sweet mama!!

Jen Nelson said...

That totally made me bawl! I love dreams like that! There is always hope. When you can't have any for yourself - I have plenty!

Loves!!

Kristin said...

Beautiful dream. I can't wait for you to get your baby. Adoption is like infertility, you have to live it to truly understand it. I'm sure your dream helped you feel how you can completely 100% love an adopted child as much as a biological one. Maybe even more because it's such a journey to finally get that little one. I can't wait for you to feel that healing warmth of love when you hold that little one tight against you. It will happen. And it will be beautiful.

Tina said...

Love you Kenna!!

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