Wednesday, November 18, 2009

...ever mindful...

It's not a hidden mystery that I struggle this time of year more often than I do when it's a sunny, bright, 93 degrees outside.

Naturally then, I blame my current slump on the weather.


The fact of the matter is, Thanksgiving is right around the corner and I am embarrassed to say that I tend to be more aware of my blessings come this holiday.  However, it is my goal to remind myself of all the good more often.  There is so much good.  There is so much to be thankful for.

I have a husband who is the most caring, strong and humble man I've ever met.  It's a well known fact that I manipulated him into loving me, but hey, win-win right?  Mmk, not so much for Studly, but I definitely came out the victor.  I don't know if I would have as much faith and strength had our situation been turned the other way.  I don't know if I could be the rock that Studly would need.  This is why I am grateful that the Lord is mindful and knows what we need.  From lost little's, to infertility, to brain surgery, this man has never waivered, never questioned, and never stopped loving me.  For that he deserves all the accolades in the world.  I love him with all of me, and while that might sound cliche, it's completely true.  The Lord was mindful of me when He brought me Studly. 

I have the most loving and wonderful family ever.  Ever.  While in my youth I admit that I took them for granted and did not realize them as a blessing, I do now.  My Dad and Mom are amazing individuals.  They have taught their children to love the Lord, to care for others, to be mindful and grateful of all we've been given.  My Dad is a quiet soul, and I take after him.  He doesn't realize that his calm and subtle example has influenced me more than anything else could.  I see him striving to be a genuinely good person.  I see the love he has for us and I feel unworthy to have such a father.  My Mom is fierce and strong.  There have been so many times I have lacked tenacity for the situations in my life and she has been my fire.  She loves with such a fierceness, yet she is so tender hearted.  She wouldn't admit it, but she is.  My mom has been a sounding board for me and always helps me work through my issues with rational thought.  (something i lack more often than not)  She cares so deeply for her kids, and I know that she is the reason I will make a decent mother.  Of course I have 3 siblings whom I cannot get enough of.  k2, k3, & k4, I love you.  You three are always there to keep me grounded, to remind me that there is more to life, that there is happiness, joy and adventure waiting for me.  You are examples to me daily, and I am proud of each of you.  I am.  To my extended family, I say the same.  I love you and I am thankful to be a part of this family.

To my friends, oh, I don't even know how to express my gratitude.  Just know that my love for you is deep and that will never change.  So many of our friendships have been borne from my struggles,  and some of you have been along for the entire ride.  Either way, each and every one of you is a blessing in and of itself.  I know that you are a direct answer from a loving Heavenly Father who has been mindful of my fervent prayers.  To each of you I offer my most sincere thanks as well as the knowledge that I am here for you as well.  There is nothing I wouldn't do for those I call my friends. 

While I might deny it later, I am indeed thankful for my struggles.  They have opened doors and presented opportunities that might have otherwise never came to pass.  I have had the blessing and honor of getting to know so many of you, and it's because of the trials I have been granted this pleasure.  This, alone, makes my struggles exponentially worth it.  I have gained friends, I have been offered compassion, hope, love, sounding boards,  and place to land when I fall apart.   (and oh, lately i fall apart often)  I have been reminded of sacred and precious truths, I have been taught, my eyes have been opened, and I am, indeed, thankful

Some days this is hard for me to believe, but we are allowed hard days.   I received a text from a dear friend that read,

'Even though it's a hard time {speaking of the holidays} everything is
trying to remind you about what's good'

The important thing is I do, eventually, come back to this realization.   She is right!  There is so much good! I have been blessed in my trials.  This is worth it.  I wouldn't trade anything that has come from my experiences for an easier way.  Yes, my heart aches.  I long for a child to call my own.  I long for a body that cooperates and doesn't think that brain tumors are the new 'in' thing.  Who wouldn't?  But, and yes, there is a but, these things have been for my good.  Oh, they have!  I have seen changes in myself that I know for certain wouldn't have been wrought had it not been for what I am going through.

I would not have been lead to this sweet friend had it not been for my trials.

I would not have the opportunity to stretch and grow.

I would not have the blessing of eventually becoming an adoptive parent.

I would not have the relationship I do with my Studly.

I would not have the same love for my sweet Maya.

I would not cherish Hanna's loves and kisses as deeply as I do.

I would not have a deep love for the gospel and for the blessing of eternal families.

I would not have the eventual opportunity to raise my precious little one.

I would not recognize my own strength and potential.

I would not love as fiercely.

I would not have found and cultivated my passion for writing.

I would not have learned the true meaning of empathy.

I would not have had the opportunity to grow closer to and truly come to know my Savior.

Which is, after all, a very important purpose of trials.  I know that I am well taken care of.  So many of you remind me daily that I am loved, cared for and thought of.  I see the hand of my Heavenly Father daily as I try to become the person He wants and needs me to be.  This is no easy task, for any of us, but He knows that we are trying our best.   

He is aware.

I am thankful for this knowledge.

I nabbed this quote from Sensei's photography blog{take note that this is her old website, and that her current and most fabulous website can be found here}  This lady finds the most amazing quotes.

I feel like it sums everything up perfectly...

“That which causes us trials shall yield us triumph: and that which makes our hearts ache shall fill us with gladness. The only true happiness is to learn, to advance, and to improve: which could not happen unless we had commence with error, ignorance, and imperfection. We must pass through the darkness, to reach the light.”
                                                                                      -Albert Pike 

What are you thankful for?

more on my faith here.
more on thankfulness here.

hmmm, maybe you can consider this my come back post.

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Jack and Daynalee said...

You are amazing. I am in awe of your strength. You are such an example to me and to all those around you. Thank you for being real. For not sugar coating the trials of your life and for letting us know it's okay to not be okay sometimes. I love you friend!

Trent and Janel Lyman said...

And an awesome come back post it is! You're amazing, I hope you know that.

Ashley said...

You rock, and I love you!

TIM&SHAN said...

Thankyou so much for this post Kenna. It is a strong person who can see the wisdom and purpose of trials before they are over.
Usually people only see the purpose of their trial after it is over. YOU have seen it before and that makes extraordinary!!
I am thankful to Kelly K. for leading me to your blog, its couldnt have come at a better time.
So hope you know that I am counting you as a blessing this Thanksgiving;) Look forward to meeting you one day.

The Winkels said...

What a beautiful post Kenna. Thank you so much for sharing! You constantly remind me to consider my blessings, even though we've never met I consider you such an inspiration.

lauren said...

what am i thankful for? well you, for one. and this post. love you.

Jen Nelson said...

For reals girl. And I am SO happy to have something from you to read. Thanksgiving is my FAVORITE holiday and I have so much to be thankful for and love having this time to reflect on all my blessings.


Richard and Emily said...

I love this comeback post! You are so strong and such an inspiration. Hang in there. :)

The Wendler Family said...

Please note that counting your blessings may result in any or all of the following:
- you will be surprised at all the Lord has done for you
- angels will attend
- you will feel help and comfort
- you will find yourself "singing as the days go by"
- your doubts will fly
(see LDS Hymn #241 for the above references)

I have been doing blessing posts all month. It really does help you feel the Lords hand in your life.
Great post Kenna.

Shannon said...

Loved your comeback post. I'm thankful for you, for insight, for strength from the Lord, for miracles. Thanks for this lovely, heartwarming post.

Tressa said...

I love ya Akenna.

Kent and Leisy said...

93 degrees, huh? that's when I start getting depressed :) keep loving fiercely and spring will come!!

Kerstin Daynes said...

Love it...enough said.

Jessica GaleForceOne said...

That is a GREAT quote imo!

Nicole said...

You're great,as usual. And I'll tell you what I'm thankful for...a client that brings me diet coke. You know who you are!

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