Wednesday, January 6, 2010

...just a thought...

i read something today that really made me think.  now, allow me to say that I have no clue what the context of this comment was made in.  i don't know who it was meant for, why it was said, the emotion behind it.  i just know that it made me think.

'life is good.  life is bad.  life is life.  deal with it.'

now, i believe part of this phrase is true.  'life is good.  life is bad.  life is life.'  quite simple, really.  we all know this.  some days life is good, some days it's bad, but it's life, and it's to be expected.  however, when i read the words, 'deal with it' i can't help but cringe.  in fact, it made my stomach lurch. 

deal with it ?

mmk, so back up.  yes, we all have to deal with it.  that is a fact of life that cannot be changed.  however, i feel as if we need to have more compassion towards others when we say things like that.  there is no way to just deal with life. 

this has me thinking about something else.

i am so glad that no one has ever said that to me.  mmk, so no one that i consider a friend or a family member i love.  i would probably cry.  or rip the nay say-er apart.  (either/or)  

it just doesn't make sense to me.  aren't we admonished to, 'mourn with those that mourn, comfort those that stand in need of comfort.'  

just something to think about.

what about you?

do you think we should all just, 'deal with it?'

i haven't added a picture yet (at work) but trust me, one will show up. 
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Ashley said...

I absolutely agree 100%. And I'm super curious as to where you read this.

kimsueellen said...

amen sister. mourning today for someone who is 'dealing' with all sorts of shee. loves to you. you are never far from my thoughts.

Anonymous said...

Though I agree with having compassion, I find it interesting that you would say that. In some of your posts from the past it seems like you think only certain people should get your compassion. You have been pretty harsh on some innocent people. And I can't deny that you have gone through your share of trials, but even when we are at our worse shouldn't we always try to show compassion?

I'm not trying to be rude. I am just trying to understand what has caused your change of heart??

lauren said...

so it seems that anonymous must know you somehow, since they refer to the term "innocent people" as if they know who you have allegedly expressed frustration about in the past. i think it's unfortunate that a person who knows you isn't comfortable enough to confront you directly. perhaps this person has merely misunderstood the way you express yourself. blogging always causes a fair amount of ambiguity because all that is present are words, sans the subtle influence that vocal inflection often provides.

but i digress... i think that everyone's journey is different. one person's "mourn with those that mourn" could be another person's "deal with it." but i think i'd like to err on the empathy/sympathy side of things. but that may not be the right way for everyone.

Val'n'Ben said...

Some people, even the "innocent" ones, make it very difficult to love them. At times even difficult to like them, let alone feel compassion or mourn with them. Perhaps that is just another challenge we've been sent here to overcome. Perhaps our stepping stone is being able to mourn with those that mourn, especially the ones who make it difficult.

I often find it easiest to find compassion for those who have shown me compassion and who are compassionate for those I love.

We all have changes of heart, sometimes they come in stages. Sometimes we just need more time.

Kenna said...

I have been thinking and thinking about whether or not I should respond, and if I did, what I would say.

First off, I never said I was perfect. I never said that I was most awesome at extending compassion towards everyone. I'll be the first to admit that.

However, I do agree with the others when they say you must know me. There is only one or two individuals that I have written about where I have felt like I couldn't extend any compassion. Either you are that person, or you know that person, or you know me and I have told you.

This is a reminder for myself. I'm trying to be more compassionate to every individual I come in contact with. Even the people that, to me, are insufferable.

Again, I never said I was perfect. I just said that I was glad no one ever told me to, 'deal with it.'

Trent and Janel Lyman said...

This post is not about McKenna nor any one of our individual actions; nor should it be. This post is about the doctrine of compassion, empathy, and charity. It is about how we all can be moved, inspired, or guided, at times, to live a more Christ like life in our imperfectness. I know that I felt the spirit as I read the post and reflected on my own in-compassion. The spirit quickly left as I felt the contentions shared in many of the replies.

It is sad that a perfectly good inspirational post could be ruined by some of the replies. Thanks Val'n'Ben for a thoughtful uplifting reply :)


Trent and Janel Lyman said...

Well...Anonymous, we've not see you in a while...

stephanie said...

Wow! don't you hate it when someone ruins a perfectly lovely post with negativity and then can't even admit to who they are?

My thought on your post was this... It is life and we have to find a way to deal with it to survive. But telling others to deal with it is insensitive. Most likely not because they are trying to be rude but because they truly don't understand the trial.
LIfe is not fair! although we all have struggles, some definitely have more than their fair share.

Cali said...

I think Lauren is right when she says mourning with those that mourn, and comforting those that stand in need of comfort can be some people's way of 'dealing with it.' But if we don't 'deal with it' in some way or another, we cease to exist. And of course, "some way or another" will be different for everyone.

I hope this doesn't make me sound like a real brat, because obviously I'm far from perfect, but to me, "dealing with it" would involve stopping self-pity and finding constructive ways to face challenges. I think it's the only way to move forward.

Kenna said...

Apparently I heard, 'deal with it' said mean in my head.

You are right, it can be said with the intent of being filled with compassion and love and want for that person to move forward.

If we do say, 'deal with it' I hope we say it with that behind it.

Alli said...

I've never liked "deal with it." It's like saying, "hey, remember to breathe so you don't die." Well, duh...of course you are going to deal with it, whether that is negative or positive. And that phrase doesn't really show any effort or desire on the part of the speaker to come up with anything helpful. Most people know already that they have to deal with life. Some how to's, although not always welcome, would be better than "deal with it."

P.S.: Anonymous is a coward. And smells like cat poop. And I am mean and in 2nd grade. Deal with it.

Richard and Emily said...

I completely agree with you. I hate that phrase as well. I think it very appropriate that you associated the word "cringe" with it.

We have to learn to cope and remember and heal and mend but we don't have to deal.

Chin up. From here on out the days are getting longer and the sun is coming out more. :) Spring will be here soon I hope!

I love reading your posts!

Nicole said...

all right, I gotta say something in this rousing debate. I Agree with Cali. stop the self pity and move on. I think this quote has to do with all the pity party people out there who won't take charge of their life.

There is nothing we can do to change many situations that are put upon us. Be it a parents divorce after 23 years of marriage(mine) infertilty, (mine and yours) or a brain tumor (yours). Dealing with it will require a certain amount of time to process and come to terms with. This will be different for everyone. Dealing with it may even need to happen over and over again.

I also think this quote may be directed to the people who can't take responsibility. like banks and car companies, or any one else who needs a "bailout." It is like some people have decided not to deal with things like credit card debt, a mean thing someone said, a bad prescription drug, whatever, and are asking the world for permission not to deal with it. Or "lets just pretend this didn't happen." Kind of like on Monopoly when you got to just skip ahead to the GO space and start over around the board.

Life is hard. We do need to deal with it. My kids are no strangers to "you get what you get and you don't throw a fit" when it comes to what I offer for dinner. So goes it with life.

Kenna said...

I like the way you expressed what you thought, Nicole. I can see what you and Cali mean.

Too often maybe, 'deal with it' to me, has had negative meaning.

TIM&SHAN said...

I think the reason deal with it is often taken to be negative because usually when someone says that its like they are telling you that you have no right to feel about what has happened to you. When you dont validate someones feelings it just makes it feel worse. So not only does the person have to "Deal" with the situation but now they have to deal with people making them feel guilty about having strong emotions about what has happened.
I agree with Kenna, ask yourself for one second this: If Christ were standing in front of you and you were pouring your hear out to him in pain, would he tell you thats life, deal with it?
UMM I adventure to say NO.
So all Kenna was saying is can we treat others pain with a little more a Christ like attitude. YES we can! Because none of us are perfect even you Ms. anonymous.
So stop pointing fingers and try to have a little compassion.
It must be a sad person to read an uplifting post and completely turn it into a a negative thing. What a sad sad life.
BTW Kenna I think you handled the comment with grace, and a Christ like attitude. When I read it I wanted to track the coward down and punch them in the face and them tell them to deal with the black eye and the bloody nose.
I would roundhouse kick annyone for you and weve never even met!

Erin said...

I tell myself to deal with it all the time. But to say it to someone else who is going through something hard does sound insensitive.

Ashley said...

We absolutely have to deal with life. It's not an option, even when some days we would like it opt out. But I don't think it's ever our place to tell someone else to "deal with it" in the context of life's trials. (I see nothing wrong with telling your kids to deal with it if they don't love what you made for dinner.) Like several of you, the phrase has a very negative feeling to me. I think there are more positive ways of encouraging others to move forward and to cope. Phrases like, "Hang in there, don't give up, you can do it," share the same idea but in a more positive, sensitive way.

Ashley said...

And by it, I mean to...

Lisa said...

I think that 'deal with it' can often be said with loving intentions, but it is almost never recieved that way, so we should all be very careful with that phrase.

I have learned a lot about compassion through a number of experiences and I do agree with you, Mckenna, that compassion and the phrase 'deal with it' don't exactly mesh together.

We have to be willing to go along on the journey with those we care about. We cannot simply leave them behind because they were not completely ready for the trip. Having compassion means we will be there with them, step by step, all the way there. And won't it be a much greater reward to reach the end of the journey together, than to be there all alone? (I hope that made sense, I tend to jumble things.)
We should be helping people 'deal with it' rather than leaving them alone to do it themselves.

Whitney said...

Kenna I just love you, so deal with it ;) You are an amazing person with a huge heart. Really it is a loaded phrase and as expressed by everyone above one that is true but could be put a lot more sensitively. I hope all is well for you and would love to see you again!!

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

Susan said...

Wow, you really seem to have a lot of followers. Thanks for your comment on my blog. I appreciate it!!

Cali said...

I love this whole discussion! Great points.

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