Monday, September 20, 2010

...tag lines...

i've noticed that most women my age have the same tag line associated with their lives.

'hi, i'm (25-31), married, and have (insert number above 3) kids, live in the burbs, and drive a (toyota, dodge, honda, kia, hundai) minivan.'

of course i'm not saying anything is wrong with that, live and let live i always say, but then i thought, 'what is my tag line?'

there are the obvious choices;

'hi, i'm 25, married, have zero kids but have lost six, live in the ghetto, and drive a kick ass jeep.'

'hi, i'm 25, married, had a brain tumor, am going through menopause, and feel violent.'

'hi, i'm 25, thankfully still married, eat a lot of eclairs, and your kids drive me crazy.'

however, i find those are all a tad bit abrasive.  

it wasn't until i had dinner (at the cheesecake factory, yum) with my dearest friend kate (can we go out again like, um, now?) that i realized what my (and so many other's like myself) tag line is.

'hi, i'm 25 (by the grace of god) married, and have (insert favorite appliance here).' 

seriously.  getting new appliances is the most exciting thing i've got going on in my life.  whether it was when we got our new fridge (i went celebratory grocery shopping) or when we got our new dryer (i even washed clean clothes, you know, so they could ALL have a turn) or when i picked up the most awesome (but couldn't believe the price, can it really cost that must to toast bread? oh well) toaster (i ate toast for every meal for a week).  

like when i got our first vacuum.

oh. my. laws. you'd think i'd never seen a vacuum in action before. i was vacuuming everything. the carpet. the rugs. the cheap, laminate flooring. 3 or 4 or 7 times a day. then, after i had vacuumed the front room 9 times, and mathematically configured the vacuum tracks, i'd step back, look at my work and i saw that it was good.

that is, until studly would come home and walk all over my mathematically configured vacuum tracks. i'd stop him and point to the carpet. (you know, not just point, but point like your mom points when you broke her great-great aunt tique's priceless vase with a base ball)

'do you see what i see?' i ask.

'uhhh, errr....' says studly.

look! look. at. my. vacuum. tracks. you RUINED them!

'uhhh, errr....'

then, as i'm practically jumping on his back to weigh him down so i can rub his nose in the carpet.

'looooooooook at the vacuum tracks! i had to use the Pythagorean theorem to make these tracks! didn't you run tack in high school?! can't you hurdle the 15 feet of carpet to spare my vacuum tracks?!'

'errr....'

and that's when studly realized that i am insane.


what's your tag line?


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16 comments:

Cali said...

I like the eclairs tag line.

Kayla said...

LOL love the "and your kids bug me" tag line. And new appliances are grand! We just got a new vacuum last Saturday. The one we had before was about to catch on fire, I'm pretty sure. If not, it doesn't matter because it was doing a poopy job. The new one is AWESOME! Jake tried to use it before me and I told him he couldn't because I am a vacuuming freak, and semi-control freak, plus I'm the one that will be vacuuming 99.9% of the time. It works so much better! I wanted to vomit when I saw what our old one was not picking up.

kate said...

I'm seriously laughing out loud! I can only imagine what lunch was like with you and Kate - I wish I was there!

Alli said...

All of the sudden I am feeling very inferior about my vacuum tracks...but I do have a serger that I am currently bragging about!

Mom said...

Hi. My name is Traci, I have 4 kids, and have been minivan-less for 3 years. I just realized that I have permanently scarred my daughters with my OCD cleaning habits. Sorry Studly, Ern Flo, and future Mr. Kori.

Tina said...

I just got a kick ass jeep too!!! We should go jeepin or even just up and down the street! :)

Kristin Call said...

LOL Kenna. This was wonderful. Thanks for keeping things hoppin' for me at work. My tagline?

sheesh.

does that count?

Katie said...

You make me laugh!

Hi. My name is Katie. I am 25 and single. Yes, I know, a sin for Utah. Cereal sales make me happy.

Jessica GaleForce said...

Hi my name is Jessica, I am almost 27, married to a man who would like to be in a tragic accident so he could be turned into a cyborg, I clean up human sweat by day and I eat grill cheeses by night. At some point in the future I plan on becoming the crazy dog/cat lady, eating brown toppers, and maybe star on the show called Hoarding.

Jen Nelson said...

Oh my gosh I love you! That was awesome!
Tag line... hmmm. I like to throw in that I'm married to a Captain for Fire/Rescue cuz I think that's hot.

Leif and I got a vacuum for our first anniversary. Still our favorite gift. That thing rocks! I have a really big basement if you need to vacuum more!!

Ashley said...

Oh how this made me laugh! Love it!

TIM&SHAN said...

Great post Kenna;) I too love love my vacuum!!! My Kirby does everything... seriously.

Well I am not sure what my tag line would be but maybe something like this;)

I am Shannon, 29 but look 17 still to the Walmart check out lady. Married to a HOT Navy husband, still no kids :( and I would rather shoot myself than own a minivan.

Rachel Swan said...

HA! I'm also obsessed with vacuuming. I'm happy to know I'm not the only person irritated by people walking on the...carpet. Yeah.

p.s. I really like your blog. and you :)

Mary said...

Hi, I'm Mary. I'm 36 years young and hoping to fill up my Honda Pilot with more than one child before I turn forty! Oh, and I am a compulsive vacuumer, too.

Krista said...

YES!!

Hi, my name is Krista, I'm about to be 25 years old, and I JUST GOT A BLENDTEC!

Come on over for smoothies!!

And over smoothies we will talk about the emphasis we place on measuring our accomplishments with others, using age as a barometer, and the anxiety it causes in our lives.

Wahines in Bikinis said...

I'm Kate and I kick you know what because I made the blog.

Let's dinner again. I'll give you lots more inspiration.

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