Wednesday, January 19, 2011

...harley...installment four...

view from my plane window.  texas bound.

it was a full week in between meeting sadie & harley and boarding a plane heading for texas.

want to know what i did for that week?  you guessed it.  i puked, hyperventilated, and did not pack until the day before we left.  i'm positive i thought up every reason not to go.  to call the whole thing off for the sake of protecting myself, my studly and my family.  then, i thought of one good reason to board that plane.

harley was my son.  i knew it.  

then again, i'm ashamed to say even those deep feelings didn't keep me from shaking.  in my head i was certain this was going to fall apart, and i'd travel home, alone, once again.

the flight to texas is about 3 hours.  3 hours is a long time to think.  truth be told i pumped some xanax into my system so i could handle the flight (i am not a good flyer) and handle my thoughts.  i had eerie flash backs to reno.  boarding a plane to get my little one.  it was all too familiar.  i'm pretty sure my poor therapist received 103 emails from the flight alone.  all of them begging her to lay out a plan for when i came home empty handed. 

studly has this uncanny ability to sleep on planes, the punk, so i sat there with tunes in my ears and cheap pretzels in my mouth.  seriously, why do i even let them feed me that junk?  i regret it every time.  oh, and that small cup of coke?  do you think that's enough to wash these things down?  never.  i'm too much of a pansy to ask for more. i may or may not have snuck some of studly's sprite (such a big kid drink, right?) while he was snoozing.  i was desperate.  

as the plane touched down, i grabbed the barf bag and stuffed it in my lap top case.  at the rate i was going, i was sure to need it.  it crossed my mind to grab more as i exited, but that is a little ridiculous.  even for me.  

wanna know something amazing about san antonio in december?  it's warm.  like 83 degrees the day we got there.  you had better believe i had flip flops in my carry on, to which i quickly switched into shortly after stepping outside.  

paradise, people.  

we hopped into our rental car (a kia rio, which i do NOT recommend), cranked the air, and said a prayer that the english lady on the gps system was familiar with texas.  if not, we were screwed.  luckily, she must have taken texas 101 because we made it safe to studly's cousin's house.  she and her husband were most amazing and allowed us to use their house as a hotel for 2 weeks.  seriously, you can only imagine the money that saved us.  also, she lived a whole 19 miles from sadie's house.  luck or what?  

after settling in we primped, put on another layer of deodorant (like i said, it was warm) and headed to sadie's house.  the scary thing about this meeting was her whole family would be there.  mom, dad, and a few siblings still living at home.  you think it's hard to impress a birth mother, try impressing a birth mother's mother. 

thankfully sadie's family embraced as their own.  it was actually quite amazing.  it reminded me of rachel's parents and family, and how they took me in while we were fighting for kate.  there are amazing people in this world, and i have had the opportunity to meet most of them.  we were greeted with hugs and tears and the one thing that brings everyone together; food.  the conversation was easy, and my nerves were calmed.  

best part?  seeing our little harley man again.  oh how that child make my heart melt.  he is a little dream come true.  

before we parted for the night, studly had his first tender moment with little studly...

daddy rocking his new little guy to sleep.

sorry for the bad quality photo, iphone fails some times.

this was the beginning of something amazing.  it had to be.

there is much more to come, hang in there with me.

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Anonymous said...

I am LOVING this! Can't wait to hear the rest! I am so happy for you!

Jessica GaleForce said...


Kellie Knapp said...

dude... i'm like hanging on every word...this is the best story ever. KEEP IT COMING :)

Steph said...

yay yay!! Two installments in one day! I love reading these while I'm bleary eyed and nursing at 5 am. I'm dying to meet the little guy :) Congrats again.

Baby Brainwasher said...

Save these, and use them for your book which will be published and sell millions of copies. I'd bet my life on it.

Julie said...

I am loving this so much. Can I just say that I'm at this important advocacy training thing, and all I can think about is your story and how much I love your happy ending? Do you think they'll notice if I go back and just read your entire blog from the beginning? haha.

Kristin said...

You're a great story teller. Thanks for sharing your story. It makes me cry. Today Jalen turned one and one year ago tomorrow we flew to get him. Reading your blog is bringing back memories and emotions!

The Wendler Family said...

Absolutely tender! I am loving this story! You are an amazing writer. Seriously.
Pretty sure I can't wait to meet your Harley man!

Kristin Call said...

so, if you wrote this at 10:28 last night, does that mean another installment is coming today??? I'm DYING over here. :) I LOVE THIS STORY!

Trent and Janel Lyman said...

Have I ever told you what an amazing writer you are, cuz you are. You have such a way with words and an amazing talent to put emotions into words that draws people in. It's just amazing! I love reading this!

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