Friday, January 7, 2011

...my harley boy...

i'm gonna do it.

i'm gonna sit down and write it all out before i forget all the perfect little details.  (which will come in installments)

who knew my computer time would take a massive hit when we brought little studly home, eh?  plus, he is just so. much. more. fun. than a computer.  sorry facebook, i have a new love affair.

the harley man is simply a joy.  he must be the happiest kid on the face of the earth.  every single picture i take has him hamming it up, which we all adore, naturally.  he already has a fan base for his album on facebook.  (sigh, facebook, necessary evil, great for stalking)   studly and i wake up to his huge grin every morning, and truly, is there a better way to start the day?  i submit that there is NOT.

as i think back on our journey to become parents, i am kind of shocked.  so many traumatic experiences shoved into such a short amount of time.  honestly, i'm surprised i survived.  not because it was so awful that anyone would quit, but because i know my limits, and trust me, all of those experiences surpassed what i knew i was able to endure.  there have been times (lots, and lots of times) where i have said that there aren't any miracles for me.  as i look back, and as i've been told, dear friends, i am a miracle.  not your glorious kind.  just the run of the mill, 'holy mother of pearl she isn't dead yet?' kind of miracle. 

you know what?  i'm not picky with my miracles.  i'll take it.  if i am an ounce or two better than i was before this all started, huzzah, people can be changed for the better.  even me.

however, there is nothing that has changed me more than our little man.

now, let's be completely honest here, it's hasn't been easy.  it's not, 'cake' because we got our little guy at 14 months, past the sleepless nights and every 3 hours feedings.  bonding for me started off very slow because i was sure this would blow up in my face, and while just the mere act of looking at harley makes you fall madly in love with him, i didn't want to feel the devastation that accompanies losing another child.

thank you sadie, for not making me go through that again.

my journey to become harley's mom has been like walking slowly through hell, more than once, but emerging from the fire with my sweet little guy in my arms has been worth every burn, every ounce of pain, every tear, every sleepless night.   i wake up every morning to a huge grin, and that isn't going away.  i lift him from his crib, he gives me a hug and i kiss him on the cheek.  perfection, like a dream, but this time, it's real, and i get to do it every. single. day.  

the sadness in my life has lifted.  gaping wounds are being healed, turning into scars.  the pain from the past 2 experiences still creeps up, and trust me, infertility pain and sadness never goes away.  i still read/hear about pregnancies, etc. and it's hard.  harley was a cure for childlessness, not for infertility.  (unfortunately)   however, when those feelings emerge, i pick up little studly and it melts away.  i wouldn't trade a moment of my life for an easier path.  an easier path wouldn't have lead us to harley.

every moment of every day i'm humbled and overwhelmed with happiness.

sweet harley boy, you've completed us.




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18 comments:

Leah and Alan Albright said...

You deserve all the happiness in the world...because of you I will never take for granted the fact I have my own children. You truly are an example. goosebumps and tears, Leah

dust and kam said...

love, love, love.

Jewls said...

Simply beautiful! I'm so happy for you, and little studly is so adorable!

blakeandcourt said...

Kenna, you write so beautifully and everyting you said was perfect. I am so, so happy for you guys! Wish I lived closer so I could meet little studly in person :)

Lynne said...

Gracious, that baby is divine! Congratulations again, blog friend. Yes. I like it.

Leslie said...

It's true--you just look at him and fall in love. I'm so happy that you're happy. Also, I want to come see you again. Let's make a date.

Natalie said...

Delurking to tell you how happy I am for you and Studly, and especially for little Harley, who's obviously found the place where he belongs. Good luck to you all. :)

Alli said...

And he is the cutest miracle. I am so glad you found each other!

sara said...

ditto to everything you've said!

Erin said...

yay! he is the cutest little guy. Can't wait for round 2 with you and the little one.

Mandy said...

amazing and perfect. much love. :)

Nicole said...

Don't feel bad about missing the 3 hour feedings, you still get to potty train and work on 8th grade science projects ( can you tell how much I like science projects? Right up there with potty training:) congrats!

Kandice said...

I'm so happy for you. He is adorable. Congrats sweetie.

The Wendler Family said...

So happy you finally have your missing piece! Harley is perfect! A smile each morning- dimples included, would make it easier to get going. What a sweetie
Congrats again Kenna, could not be happier for you!!

Jessica GaleForce said...

<3 He is so precious!

It makes me sad that the infertility sadness will never go away! I thought it would when we, the barren of this world, get to adopt children. I looked forward to the day when it would go away. OH well. :/

I am so happy for you family! You guys deserve all the miracles this world has to offer! You both are amazing!

Love ya!!

Que and Brittany's Adoption Journal said...

I'm so happy for you! Did you know Liam and Harley are only 2 weeks apart in age?! That is so cool.

I can't wait to hear more about your story!

Kristin said...

Beautiful post and I can so relate. It's different for all of us, but the healing is real. I can honestly say that I have no infertility pain anymore. I regret that I won't have some experiences (NOT of delivery), but of spending a tired night in the hospital with just my husband and child, nursing or feeling a baby move inside me, but it doesn't hurt anymore. I hope it turns out to be that way for you too. I'm so grateful that you're able to be Harley's mother. Nothing is as awesome as being a mom. Wait until Mother's Day when you get to stand up and take that stupid flower because it's really yours now. And when the Primary kids sing, you'll probably cry realizing that now you have a little boy that will soon be singing a Mother's Day song to you.

stephanie said...

I totally agree with what Kristin said. The infertility pain went away for me too.(in time)

I think a lot of things will heal with time. Although you went through a whole heck of a lot. My goodness! Life isn't fair but sometimes we do experience a miracle and some how it makes it all worth it!
Congratulations again! I think Harley is a perfect match

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