Tuesday, May 31, 2011

...a thought...

i've been trying to expound on this thought but my mind can't seem to function properly.

simply, 'just because i've forgiven someone doesn't mean i'll trust them.  trust is earned, and they haven't done a thing to try and get it back.'

therefore, i will keep them outside of my 'circle of trust' (name that movie) until further notice.

that is all.

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Holly said...

Meet the Parents!!!

kenna said...

prize for holly!

i have your address, you are getting a prize. :)

Jena said...

I have been a secret stalker for awhile..but I couldn't help but comment on this.

For me, trust is like respect -- it's earned. I think that when someone has done something to disrespect or hurt you, it's your job to forgive...but forgiveness doesn't mean you have to tell them all your deep dark secrets. I mean, I forgive Hitler for all the horrible things he's done, but I still wouldn't trust him if I were Jewish and he and I were standing on a cliff together.

Anyways, that's all I got for now. P.s. your baby is adorable

Alecia said...

i don't know if this'll make sense but it does to me. i think- well i know God expects us to forgive and love others, but he also expects us to be smart and use our better judgement, and sometimes that means to not trust creepy shady people, or those who have hurt us in the past. we are protecting ourselves by not trusting, not being rude and unloving. God does not want to see us be hurt or deceived. well, thats what i believe anyway.

kenna said...

alecia, it does make sense. and i agree.

so many times i'm called the jerk, the rude one, the horrible one in the pack, but it's not me trying to be rude.

i'm just trying to keep myself, my husband, and my kiddo safe.

Mandy said...

forgiveness can be hard. for a while, i held onto something someone did to me bc i thought if i forgave them, it meant that what they did was okay. oftentimes, this is not the case. like you pointed out, forgiveness does not give a free pass to mistreat again. i'm glad that you are trusting your gut and doing what is best for you and your loved ones. (ps - love the photos and updates on boog)

Kellie Knapp said...

Dude... SO with you. My grandparents and aunts were AWFUL to my family after my dad died. They pretty much kicked us out of the family because they felt 2 years was too soon for my mom to be dating again. Then when I had Macy they were all " we are so sorry" but they don't get why I'm not all "we are back to being one big happily family" in the blink of an eye. I totally forgive them, but you don't step in the same pile of shit twice. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me... AND because they are old I'M the bad guy.

You are welcome for long story you didnt ask for.

Bottom line. I feel you.

Leah and Alan Albright said...

Oh Kenna, you couldn't have explained my last few weeks better. You know my story, I think...Maybe not? Well, I feel the exact same way. Trust and forgiveness are two totally different things. People say, what would be the Christ like thing to do? Um forgive but that doesn't mean I what he did isn't still instilled into my brain and it will still affect everything I do in my life. This is the EXACT same thing Im going through as of late. Ah I needed to hear someone say these exact words.

Kristin said...

I completely agree. Just because I forgive someone does not mean I am obligated to put myself in a situation to allow them to hurt me again. I can harbor no ill will toward them, but I do not have to bring them into my "circle of trust". That would just be asking for it.

Lou Ellen said...

One of my favorite quotes, "Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation." And that's the deal~

From a big fan of yours -

Lechelle said...

I hear you Kenna.
When Boston was born a family member offered multiple times to babysit him and I always brushed her aside. So she sent me guilt e-mails telling me she hopes I will someday forgive her and trust her and she told other family similar stuff, that I was bitter and unforgiving. The thing is, I have forgiven her long ago and told her so. But I would never trust her with my most precious little Bo, no matter how many years pass. Sure, I don't actually think she would hurt him, but I'm not going to gamble my son on any chance of that by putting him in that position. I can forgive and continue to protect my family.

Trent and Janel Lyman said...

I totally agree! It is so very hard to trust someone after they have hurt you, BUT, that doesn't mean that you have not forgiven them. I have a really really hard time with this. Many years ago someone one very close to me hurt me in a way that I can't even descirbe, and I've been scared for life. I forgive them, I've moved on, but I cannot forget what was done and I don't trust that person in that situation. I don't know how to. Wish I did. And I keep telling myself that forgiving is also forgetting and moving forward as if nothing has happened. After all, that is what the Savior does when we repent of our sins...However, as someone pointed out, there is a righteous judgement as we shouldn't trust every soul who comes our way. So maybe that is part of the natural man, not forgetting like the Savior does. It's true, I'm not perfect :)

Emily Shaw said...

I heard a quote... Basically it says that Trust is like a piece of paper...once it's crumpled it can never be perfect again.

Val'n'Ben said...

Heavenly Father requires that we forgive, He doesn't however require that we put ourselves right back into the situation that got us hurt in the first place.

In high school I had a boyfriend who treated me horribly and hit me. It took a LOOONG time, but I've forgiven him. However, I know without a doubt that Heavenly Father doesn't expect me to be his friend, to talk to him, or to even like him. And I'm certain He would never expect me to trust him!

My point... whether someone has hurt you physically or mentally/emotionally, Heavenly Father expects our forgiveness, but He does not expect us to leave ourselves vulnerable and unprotected.

Bottom line: I love you! You're doing it right. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. That's between you and the Lord. Bottom line.

The Circus said...

First of all, thanks for stopping by my blog with your comments.
Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with me. I've been looking at your blog and you captivate me with your writing and thoughts. I hope for nothing but the best for you and your family.
Thank you for your kid words. That's what the blogging world is all about isn't it? Connecting. Helping. Relating.
And I agree full heartedly with your post here. Forgiveness is not the same as trust. What's the saying... "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me."

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