Saturday, July 2, 2011

...beware your spouses alter ego...

I would just like to give Kenna’s readers some insight into our relationship so you may see the true love that we have for one another. Let’s go on this magical ride together into the past. 

Many moons ago (approximately 15 moon) Kenna and I were walking through Target (aka Gay Balls) talking about our childhood memories. One memory that we share is about American Gladiators. We both had Nerf guns growing up and we would set up obstacle course trying to hit a target with different types of Nerf guns while being shot at from above by the Gladiator, which usually were our Dads. As we were passing the toy section we found an aisle fully devoted to Nerf guns. So of course we had to buy each of us a Nerf gun! And what do you do with Nerf guns? You shoot each other in the face! We have had many battles that have lasted for minutes; sometimes a lot of minutes. We would ambush each other and hide the other person’s gun so when they would run to find it…it was not to be found.

Let me take you back to the memory of one specific, epic battle that will forever be etched in my mind. It was a dark, stormy night. The wind was howling and light flashed in the far off distance. We were both sitting on the couch enjoying our evening TV shows. My stomach felt a little uneasy that night but I didn’t know why. I should have focused more on that gut feeling, it would have been life saving. Instead I went to the bathroom to ease my troubled stomach. I was not thinking of my own well being and I went about things as usual. When I finish I washed my hands, with soap, and dried them. To my surprise when I opened the door all the lights in the house were out. The TV was turned off and I couldn’t hear a sound. There was an eerie feeling in the air. I was afraid to venture into the darkness without being armed. So I quickly closed the bathroom door and locked it before I was jumped by my archenemy Mackenzie (McKenna’s alter ego). I figured I could hold up in the bathroom until she got board of waiting and would abandon her plan. I waited five minutes…still no sound or sign of light outside of the bathroom. Then seven minutes, then ten. By that time I was getting board of waiting and realized I just lost at my own game. I had to venture out and meet my fait no matter the outcome. 

As I was in the bathroom trying to hold out, Mackenzie had preformed her plan flawlessly. As I entered the bathroom she gathered together all the ammo available and both of our guns. She tipped toe ever so quietly to the circuit breaker and cut all power throughout the house except to the bathroom so I wouldn’t catch on to her evil plan. Then she swiftly made her way to our bedroom where she waited to ruthlessly attack. There she lay on the bed with one gun in each hand, both cocked, and a malicious smile on her face.

As I opened the bathroom door to meet my fate I had one last trick up my sleeve. What if I could get her to laugh so I could figure out her location. As I peered out the door I said in a clam voice “McKenna?” No response. Again I call out “McKenna?” Still no voice. Then I said “McKenna if you don’t answer then that means you have guns” After all of that still no sound. So I ventured out into the darkness of the hall. As I near the end of the hall I peeked around the corner but to my dismay I could not see anything because my eyes had not adjusted to the darkness. I decide to walk to the bedroom. The door is cracked and I reach for the door knob to push it open as quietly as possible. I poked my head in but couldn’t see anything so I opened the door all the way. A light flashed outside and I see and image in our dresser mirror. I turned quickly to see what was on the bed but it was too late, the endless pelting of darts came at me like a swarm of bees. The first one hit me in the left eye which left me half blind. I became disoriented and didn’t know where to go. Darts were flying all around me and hitting my entire body. It seemed as if Mackenzie could not miss. I thought for a second that maybe I could rush the gunner and take over. As I went to make my move I was hit in the right eye and then kicked in my side. I was too weak and I had to run for my life. I turned to run for the door and dove into the hall and crawled to our front room. By this time Mackenzie was celebrating her much deserved victory as I was crumpled helplessly on the floor trying to recover.

I hope that we can all learn a valuable lesson from this story which is…..

Never underestimate your spouses alter ego


JOSH

7 comments:

David & Jessica said...

haha I got to get some nurf guns now!! Go Kenna!

lindsey said...

loved this post lol. I think you guys should come hang out with me and the hubs, we would get along quite well :)

Ashley Rose said...

BAHahahahaha!!! That is awesome. You two are hilarious

Leslie said...

HA! I could picture everything. That is totally the kind of thing I would do to Paulo. LOVE IT.

Trent and Janel Lyman said...

Why Josh I didn't realize you had such writing talent. Very nice!

Crystal said...

HAHA! This was great!! Thanks for a good laugh!

Kristin said...

hahahaha I love this. josh should post here more often :)

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