i admit i have been struggling lately.
mainly it has to do with my latest surgery, which is understandable. i loathe physical limits, and i hate being unable to do simple tasks. today, a week out from surgery, i ran to macey's with boog because we were out of milk. as i walked through the aisles i felt dizzy, tired and almost like every movement took 100% more energy than it should. i was even stopped by a sweet lady saying i looked, 'peaked and weak' and she wanted to make sure i was going to be okay.
it happens, though. when someone cuts you open, you know, literally, life is a little messed up for a while after. trust me, i'm no stranger to that.
i also confess that i've been feeling sorry for myself as i rest in bed. pathetic, i know. i'm so blessed beyond measure, that there really isn't a reason for me to feel that way. i have a loving husband who has taken on all duties while i've been out of commission. i have loving friends and family who have sacrificed their time to take care of me and boog. who have made delicious meals, offered words of encouragement and checked in on me daily to make sure i have been doing okay. i have health insurance, which is awesome, because my husband works hard and has a wonderful job that provides it. my doctor is competent and has provided excellent care for all three surgeries.
most of all, i have a little guy who comes to my bedside each morning, climbs up, and gives me the biggest hug and sloppiest kiss, and shows me that he loves me.
how long i fought for these moments. how long i prayed and cried and plead to have a little one to call my own. after so much pain, and struggle and loss we were finally blessed and there is nothing, truly, nothing that can even compare to the blessing that is our little boog.
i know i take it for granted at times, even though i promised myself many years ago i wouldn't. boog can be stubborn, sassy, feisty, belligerent, and honestly, a complete monster. (sound like anyone you know?)
but he is my monster.
i cannot stop the tears from coming. the love i have for this little person astounds me. he takes up every inch of my heart and more. every day the love is compounded. every day i live my life in awe of what i have.
so what if it took pain? physical, mental, spiritual stress and anguish that i still cannot even fathom?
so. very. worth. it.
'i'll love you forever,
i'll like you for always
as long as i'm living
my baby you'll be'