Friday, October 21, 2011

...come again?...

sometimes i find that the internet is a horrible medium for opinion making.

now, i'm explaining this as to get feedback because i am seriously confused about how a comment that i made was taken so out of context that it resulted in me being called, 'bitter and bitchy.'  

well, we all know i'm bitchy, that's a given.

as i was scrolling through facebook statuses this evening, i read one stating that the individual was sick and tired of all the advice she had been given due to her pregnancy.  you know, people telling her to, 'take this to help with morning sickness,' 'use this type of whatever what you need' and so on and so forth.  

sure, that gets annoying, of course.  i think everyone can or has been irritated with unsolicited advice, however, i don't think the advice givers do it for the sole purpose of driving anyone up the wall.  i just think that, perhaps, it's innate in us to share our experiences, what has worked, what hasn't, in the hopes of possibly helping someone else.  

my comment, and this isn't word for word but i'll do my best, sounded something like this, 'considering that 97% of all your statuses are pregnancy related, i can see how people would offer advice, possibly in a way to share their excitement with you.  or they think that maybe you are somehow asking for advice (which you just made clear that you aren't) and they were wanting to genuinely help you in some way.' 

yes, i'm blunt.  i have also learned how to play, 'devil's advocate' (in most situations, none of mine naturally, it never works that way) and i was just thinking that those who had offered said advice were seriously just trying to help.  

well, my post was deleted right away.  (mind you there was a comment made early stating basically the same thing, that people were probably just trying to help)

oh, and would you like to know the response i received?

Kenna, you are just a bitter person who hates the world because you couldn't have a baby of your own and thinks negatively about almost everything. You have no tact when it comes to making statuses or commenting on others. You of course wouldn't see any offense in it. It's how you word things and how you make them see so negative. I just get tired of reading your bitchy comments and statuses and You act like you are the only one who has ever gone through what you have gone through. Well guess what, you aren't.

well then, i was put in my place, wasn't i?

i re read what i wrote, seriously trying to find where i was being, 'bitter' towards her pregnancy and 'bitchy' about it.  then again, you can find anything you want in anything anyone writes.  there is where the sneaky internet gets you.  

if i was bitter, i would have written something to the effect of, 'shut the hell up and be happy you are pregnant.'

i didn't, because, well, i have worked very hard to climb the mountain that is bitterness.  i spent too much time there, thank you very much.

oh, and as for thinking i'm the only one who has suffered with infertility/sterility, try me.  

can i mention that said person is 22 (i think?) and i will admit that i feel as if i have a few years experience on her.

then again, i know who i am, and i'm happy with myself.  i'm a great mom, a happy one at that, and i have my moments of bitterness, but if she hasn't, she is lying (bitterness about anything).  hell, anyone would be a liar if they said they had never been bitter about anything.

oh well, think what you want to think.  

i'm a rock star, regardless.

one more thing : i DID have a child OF MY OWN.  his name is harley.  he is as much my child as yours or anyone elses.  
how dare you even say such a thing about my son.   
take that to the temple sealer, kid.

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Ashley said...

What you should have said,

"Oh... You know morning sickness means your baby look like Steve Bushemi, right? You should drink some cat piss, I hear that helps. But what do I know, I'm dried up and dusty. Although I'd rather be dried up and dusty instead of petty, bitchy and gestating the obvious minion of the Antichrist. I can't see you producing anything else...."

Que and Brittany's Adoption Journal said...

Yikes. And that was a low blow of her to tell you that you're just jealous that you can't, what did she say... have "a baby of your own?" (I hate that phrase with all my being, btw.)

I should send you the comment I got... the one that eventually resulted in me merging my facebook account with Que's. Ugh.

Jess said...

You rock Kenna, and you're right, people see what they want to in every aspect of life. I'm proud of you for rising above that mountain of bitterness! I hope that maybe one day this person will look back at this and realize how rude it was and how wrong she was and apologize. In the mean time though I am glad that you aren't taking it to heart because you are an amazing person. Have you ever heard how as women if we were in a room with a hundred people and we could hear their thoughts, if 99 of them said that our jeans looked cute and that we were cute but one said the pants made our butt look big who would we focus on? That's right we would ignore the 99 that said we were cute and we would be asking ourselves these pants make my butt look big? Ha ha, this makes me laugh, don't listen to the one, listen to the 99 (well, there's a heck of a lot more than 99) saying that you are an awesome person! Love ya, and I hope this made sense.

Trent and Janel Lyman said...

Yes Kenna, you are a rock star and I love you! You make me laugh. And I'm bitter, there I've admitted it. We shall chat later, I want to hear all the details, cuz I like gossip like that.

Alecia said...

i love that you wrote this! go kenna! people get SO STUPID on the internet. they say things they'd never dare say in real life. i love what you wrote to her. i see how someone stupid and immature would take that as you being bitter. people are stupid. i would have a VERY VERY hard time keeping my big mouth shut if i were in your position and dealt with seeing all these stupid girls' status' complaining about pregnancy on fb. i like how you say what you feel, never stop.

Mama B said...

I totally love you!


Tressa said...

It was just her pregnancy hormones that were talking, which you obviously know nothing about! TOTALLY kidding by the way. But really, she shouldn't have said that, and too bad for her. She lost a really great person as her friend.

Mary said...

"take that to the temple sealer"- Love it!

Nicole said...

Oh Kenna I am dealing with some backlash over my blog right now and you're right. Anyone can read anything into anything on the Internet. I'll have to email you about it. Let's just say you are braver than me to be posting this! Rock on!

Gio, Tasha, and Bella said...

Wow! She really thinks she knows you pretty good, huh? I think the words she used to describe you, describe her perfectly. I still can't believe her ridiculous comment. I for one find you to be a strong, persevering woman that is just trying to play the card you were dealt. I hope that girl grows up soon.

TIM&SHAN said...

Well I would just like to say that Ashley's comment is the .... and pretty much says it all.

I really can't believe how immature and low some people can be... talk about being bitchy and bitter!!! This girl takes the cake!!! She obviously has felt this way for a while based on her little temper tantrum she threw.

I have to say I am sorry for her hateful words to you and she sucks.... BUt I am so proud of you for telling it like it is and dusting that comment off your shoulders. BOOG IS YOUR OWN and anyone who thinks differently can shove it. RRGGGG that comment made me so angry...

anyways you are a rock star but you you forgot to mention that you are a rock star from mars and you drink tigers blood!!! LOL

lauren said...


i mean, really? REALLY? even, for arguments sake, if your comment was "bitchy and bitter," way to be the bigger person, random fb person i don't care to know. if she really felt like that was what you were doing, why not talk to you about it privately like a rational human being? i'm sorry that this person replied with such a hurtful (and thoroughly unwarranted) comment. i heart you mucho and can't wait to see you on saturday!!

calirae said...

I hope she deleted you from her friends, or vice versa, because you don't need people like that in your life. Meh, gone! Moving on! Happy day!

Jessica GaleForce said...

I need a pocket sized version of you that I can carry around with me! You say all the things I can't think to say in the moment. When I get attacked by others, I go into shut down mode and can't respond until after the moment has passed and then some. I blame my parents for this behavior. LOl

Really, I think she is just too young to really understand the world. I look back at my 22 year old self and think, wow, I was just as immature (even though I was married and adult now!) 19 year old self.

I don't think you said anything that anyone else wouldn't have said and she reacted to your comments cause for some reason there was truth in what you were saying.

I think she a foo-tard!

Lechelle said...

I'll admit I really do know how to be a real jerk. Ive left comments before that I would be embarrassed about and go back and apologize and delete. So I was prepared to read your comment and judge your level of bitchiness with it in mind that sometimes it just happens, especially since her status update itself was so rude. Then I read your comment, and wow, it was so incredibly nice. It was the nicest possible way that you could give her another point of view. And then, even if she was offended by your incredibly nice comment, she didn't have to write such a horrible e-mail to you, she could have just deleted it and left it at that. But she didn't. she went out of her way to be a mega-bitch to you.
I hope you cut the toxic person out of your life. Even if she is family.
you ARE a rock star

Ashley Rose said...

I'm pretty much 100% positive that I know who/what you're referring to, and I'm surprised she responded that way! Holy crap--a bit sensitive, are we? I

P.S. You know how you're a mom and stuff? And you have one cute little stinker of a kiddo? (Seriously--he is SO ADORABLE) And remember how we keep talking about a play date? We MUST do it! Did you get my fb message? Call/text me so we can work out a time/day. I was hoping for tomorrow, but I know that's Saturday and most people make plans for Sat. so I understand if you can't work it in.

P.P.S. My number is in my contact info on fb

-Special Mothertivity- said...

Amazing... And not in a good way. You are handling it so well. Its so hard to have those kinds of things said about you no matter how false they are, it can still sting. Hope you don't have to deal with mentioned pregnant person again. Ever.
Oh and that bit about Harley at the end. LOOOOOVE! Rock on rock star!

The Jensens said...

Really, really, really? I think people that are pregnant shouldn't be allowed on facebook. Wait, was that mean? LOL I lost a friend because my Husband said he didn't like the name she chose for her illegitimate child. Who the heck cares?!

If you are posting statuses to facebook, you want people to respond, or else you wouldn't post such statuses.

HIGH FIVE girl!! :-)

You did say it with tact and grace :-D

Lauren Green said...

Oh my goodness. I hope so badly that she reads this. The idea of your child not being your own is ludicrous.

ps. Love your blog. Been reading for a while and finally decided to comment :)

Krista said...

Oh my goodness - how I love you. I know how hard it is to make supportive comments on people's obnoxious pregnancy statuses. To have someone take your efforts and then be so cruel?? Reminds me of Ocean's Thirteen:
"This is me offering you an olive basket. And this is you spitting in my face."

The "baby of your own" comment? Picture the hairs on the back of my neck standing, steam coming out of my ears, and me pulling my hair out. Okay, a little hyperbolic, but those awful lies really bug me to no end. He's yours, you're his, and her ignorance doesn't matter.

And, for the record, you ARE the only one who has gone through what you've gone through... I mean, I'm pretty sure NO ONE ELSE in the world has had brain tumors, pregnancy loss, reversed adoptions, and precious son named Harley... unless there is a parallel universe out there that this kid knows about, in which case, I vote she just resides there.

You are amazing!! Thanks for your comment on my wall this week. I think about you all the time too and always hope the very best things in life for you!

Shannon said...

"take that to the temple sealer, kid"

Love it.

elliespen said...

Oish. My best guess is that someone else has mentioned to her recently that she spends a lot of time talking about being pregnant, so the bit about 97% of her updates being about pregnancy hit her wrong. And once you've started looking at things from the wrong angle, it's really easy to keep going off in that trajectory. But still. Not an appropriate response under any circumstances. *ick*

Kandice said...

I just love you and think you are a total rock star! And her comment of "not having a child of your own" is just so insensitive and petty.

And she should be damn happy that she can get pregnant and birth her child.

Kristin said...

just wanted to add my vote of "take that to the temple sealer, kid" being the best sentence in this post. For real. Sorry for the psycho drama. Sounds like she needs some distance from the social networks...not everything she thinks needs to be shared. out. loud. Props to you for taking the high road. for real.

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