oh, sweet readers and friends, how you have lifted my spirit and given me strength as i recall these events. thank you, thank you, from the bottom of my coke loving soul. this happened over a year ago, but it still creeps in and causes pain. it's nice to know that i have support and love on the ready from such amazing people.
truly, thank you. all of you.
now, i want you all to know that had there been any indication of a wavering birth father, or that he was not likely to place, our agency wouldn't have allowed us on that plane. they would not have placed us in a situation that could end up so badly. of course there are exemptions. when something is based solely on one decision usually made by emotional, struggling individuals, things can go wrong. however, our agency does everything they can to avoid this type of situation. birth dad didn't show any signs towards what ended up happening. not until after kate was born. in the before time he was on board, excited for us and even thanked us for allowing him to be a part of our family as well.
let me tell you something that really ate me up with all of this. birth dad NEVER. ONCE. called to ask (a) how kate was and (b) if he could see her. we told him from the very beginning that while we were in reno he could visit with her any time he wanted. very telling, no? when he would call it was about what he wanted. a new contract drawn up, a new this, he wants us to agree to him visiting whenever he wants as much as he wants. it was all about him. this was never about kate and the home she deserved. it was about him being in control of others. he was out to hurt.
in all of this if birth dad had honestly told us that he truly wanted to be a father to kate, we would have gracefully bowed out. i can understand a birth father changing his mind in the way of wanting to truly be that child's father. to support, love and care for them the way they deserve.
however, there as none of that here.
he didn't care one bit about kate.
i think that is what sickens me the most. how is it possible for some sick person to use a newborn child to manipulate and control others? then he just casts her aside and occasionally brings her back up when he wants to take R back to court for something petty.
he used this little girl. she deserved more than that.
i still don't have my head wrapped around this.