i'm asked often what brought me to the conclusion i had a brain tumor.
easy, i didn't. basically my physician told me, 'it was all in my head.' oh the irony!
i remember the day i found out. after almost a year, a few gallons of blood, and probably every test you could think of, my physician ordered a mri of my brain. when the rad tech clicked the metal cage over my head, i cried.
then the doctor's office called me and explained the findings.
i heard, 'blah blah blargity blarg BRAIN TUMOR blargity blah blah blah.'
pardon the language, but in all honesty, all i could say after i hung up the phone was, 'well, shit.'
i talked to my mom, who expressed the same sentiments.
strangely enough, i was completely calm when i called studly and told him the news. as any husband would, he rushed home to comfort me. hopefully he is okay with me telling all of you he cried. it must have been so scary for him. at this point we didn't know if it was a malignant tumor, or if it had spread. let's be honest, when you hear, 'brain tumor,' you basically assume you are going to die.
studly rushed to my side and asked if i was okay.
'can you pick up some cafe rio for dinner? that would be awesome.'
you know, because naturally brain tumors make me hungry.
he obliged. i realize now that he probably would have done anything i asked. wish i would have taken advantage of that.
it was all kind of a dream (and a big joke, let's be honest, i even named the tumor, 'tubby') until i was in a hospital bed, signing a stack of papers, and being shot up with some, 'joy juice.'
fun experience? of course not.
soul stretching experience? definitely.
every year i'm amazed at what i have endured physically. am i 100%? nope, and i never will be. a brain tumor is a funny thing. no one can see it so no one would really even know that i was struggling. after it was removed, most assume that all is well and i continued living a normal life. i wish that was the case, but i have learned to adapt. there will always be fear of it returning, i will always need medication, as well as yearly mri's.
however, that i can live with.
you know, because i'm alive and all.
happy four years tumor free to me.
photo by jenny wheeler.
***look for the spotlight of a beautiful family hoping to adopt on the blog tomorrow!***