Tuesday, April 3, 2012

...ebb and flow of life...



i've skipped a few turns with the blogging game as of late.  i'm not sure why, i have at least seven posts started.  however, not one comes to fruition.  basically i feel like i'm throwing my head against a brick wall over and over again for funsies.  what a way to use my time, right?

even now i find myself staring at the screen, unsure of what to write next.  i go through phases.  at times the posts come easily and quickly and others it's like extracting blood from a stone.  oh, and then there is pintrest. 

oh, pintrest.  

lately life has been a little overwhelming, but i am positive that comes from slowly panning our move in august.  studly and i often talk about how we will be half way through kansas and have a, 'what the hell are we doing?!' moment.  the thing is, studly has been accepted to schools much closer than ohio.  however, it's what feels right.  for those of you who know me, you know that i like things to be easy.  ohio isn't easy.  it isn't convenient or close.  that's usually how it goes, though, and studly and i know it will be more than worth it.  my dream of being a snotty house wife who orders everything from qvc or sky mall are within my grasp.

then we have the boog.  

oh, my sweet boy.  take a look at how delicious he is...



 
you can't handle it, can you?  neither can i.  there isn't a day that goes by that i'm not completely amazed at how lucky i am.  i know, i know, so corny, right?  it's the truth.  each night before i go to bed i take a minute to check on him.  i place my hand on his chest so i can feel it rise and fall with his deep, sleepy breaths.  i push his hair back and kiss his forehead.  usually he squirms a little bit.  i know it bugs him to be poked at while he is snoozing.  then i sit at the edge of his bed and stare.  you know, the kind of stare where if he were to wake up he would totally be creeped out.  i can't help it.  he is a dream.  he is my dream.  come to life after years of struggle, loss, and heart ache.  he is a constant reminder of all that is good.  

its been asked, quite often, if we plan on attempting to add another little to our family.  even with the big move and other things on my mind (like how i was just called to be the 1st counselor in the young women's presidency...cracka what?!) i won't lie, we think about it.  then again, we are terrified, like most adoptive couples are.  the, 'what ifs' are blinding, to the point where i hide the preliminary paper work under a stack of magazines and ignore it for weeks at a time.  adoption is such a beautiful thing, don't get me wrong, but it's difficult.  then we have the fact that the boog is a hater of all babies.  true story.  from the moment he tried to launch his newborn cousin out of the bouncy chair...

my heart is full with the boog.  with studly.  with my life.

yet the winds of change are blowing hard through our lives right now.  i have no clue what to expect.


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11 comments:

BUSNINJA said...

May you ever be the snotty housewife who orders everything from qvc or sky mall. That made me lol on a Tuesday morning. I hope you know how rare of an occurrence that is.

Cali said...

Yay for change though! Once you get all settled I'm sure you will love it - and you'll be with Studly and Boog, so it'll be awesome.

Do I sense a Sarah quote in there somewhere? ;)

Sell...Party Of 4 said...

august is coming too soon, and we haven't gotten together. sob.

Kristin said...

I miss your writing. Change is so exciting and terrifying at the same time. I'm so impressed with your quiet confidence in what is coming in your life, whatever it may be.

Kristina P. said...

I agree with Evonne. I may never reach my life long dream of meeting you.

Kylie said...

So glad you do the poking, prodding, creeper-stare thing too. Landon is constantly making fun. I miss your writing too, but I get it. :)

Kristin said...

Not only is he cute, but you have him so stylin'! Are you still in Orem? I was in that YW presidency! How are things? Where will you be in Ohio? My mom is from Dayton. Take it from me (who has moved way too many times), when it feels right, you just do it. That's the truth about adoption too. I don't know if you remember how crazy Jalen's adoption was, but you'll know when/if it's time.

Dave and Lizzie said...

I'm really excited for you guys. And yes, Boog sure is a cutie. So so cute.

Julia said...

I love you truly, madly, deeply.
And one think I know (and I know you know too), everything is perfect. And if you feel Ohio is right, it can only prove to give you everything your little family needs. I'm so excited for you and this new journey. I know what it's like. It's scary, it's hard, and yet it's so freaking awesome. All that humidity, mosquitos, and frozen winters may just rock your world.
And that baby that you're thinking about. Her spirit is around you. I had a dream about her. I can see her, I think she's just waiting it out until the perfect time, as they all do. I think she's just preparing you and giving you angel kisses at night. She's near.

Love you Mama.
(AND I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOUR VISIT!!!!!! *squeal*)

Que and Brittany are Hoping to Adopt! said...

Oh wow, I LOVE his outfits and hats! What a cutie-patootie!

brian and amanda said...

he is seriously so cute. love love love his outfits!

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