Thursday, April 26, 2012 mama speaks...

i've said it a million times, and i will probably end up saying it a million more, but i have the most wonderful mom a girl could ask for. i appreciate that she was willing to write from her perspective as studly and i went through our trials of infertility. she has been my rock, my devil's advocate, my friend, and one hell of a mom. also, while she mentions it in her post, i'll say it briefly here as well... happy birthday to sweet kate who turns two today. we love you rachel, quentin, and little kate. hope today is a marvelous one. 

Today is a happy day for Kate. She is celebrating her second birthday. 

Two years ago we cried tears of joy because Kenna and Josh were boarding a plane to go meet the baby a special birth mom said would be theirs. We know how that story ended.  So today is a bittersweet day for us.  There are many days like this. Anniversaries of the day that we found out about a pregnancy that ended; the day that I checked Kenna into the hospital to deliver a baby that had died; the day that an adoption failed; the day of brain surgery; the countless shots and procedures to try and help them conceive; another failed adoption and the finality of hysterectomy. As a parent, it breaks your heart when your child is hurting. To know that we can’t jump in and “make it right” like we did when she was little and she encountered a bully or a teacher that wasn’t being fair. We have tried to be supportive and have prayed and prayed for miracles and comfort. Of course there are happy days too. The day these two came home from the airport with our little red-head; the day the adoption was finalized; Christmases and birthdays and the day we went to the temple to have him sealed as part of our family for time and all eternity. We know our prayers have been answered in the Lord’s way because that was HIS plan. The sad days fade and only the happy days are celebrated.  Kate will always have a special place in our hearts, but she is where she is supposed to be as is Har-man.

We were VERY nervous when we found out J & K were getting a 14 month old. “What if we don’t connect?” “Will he bond with J & K and with us?” “Will we love him the same?”  It took exactly 7 minutes for all of those fears to be put to rest and fall deeply in love with this little boy. He is Papa’s best buddy and rides the Mo-cycle with Gram. We are trying not to think about them moving 1800 miles away. 

 We are reminded that because of infertility, we will ride a rollercoaster with Josh and Kenna when those longings for a” little” come.  We try to be supportive and be patient with the adoption system. It’s hard to watch shows like 16 & pregnant or see women who take the process of creating life so lightly. To know that countless children are not being taken care of or are used as pawns in some twisted game of “getting back” at an ex. It breaks my heart to work at a school district and see the children whose parents aren’t helping them reach their potential or who cause them to go hungry or neglected or worse, abused.  I wish with all my heart that more people would make the decision to place their babies for adoption.  

I will be the first to admit, that the thought of Josh and Kenna starting the process again someday to give Harley a sibling, scares the crap out of me.  I am not as na├»ve as I once was about the process. I know what can go wrong and that all of the players have to be on the same team and the stars have to align just so. So the question becomes….is it worth it?   Of course it is.  They love Harley enormously. He has healed their hearts.  He has helped them learn about unspeakable joy, frustration and love beyond compare. I know they are more aware than most of what a miracle and blessing children are. (even when you want to leave him having a tantrum on the floor of the grocery store) Of course we would like them to have another child to love and have these experiences with. 

So we will continue to support and pray and love and experience all that He has in store for us because we are family…and that’s what we do. 

 my beautiful mom, dad, and family.  photo by jenny wheeler.

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Tiffany honeybadger Joy said...

That was beautiful..

Val'n'Ben said...

Perfection! I cried.

Thank you so much for being momma bear to your wonderful daughter who has, all to often, needed protection from those who aren't as sensitive or loving as they should be.

Lechelle said...

love it. Your mom sounds wonderful.

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