Wednesday, December 12, 2012


"can i sail through the changing ocean tides
can i handle the seasons of my life" 

as i sit wrapped in blankets on my bed i keep thinking that if i close my eyes real tight and wish real hard i'll be home in utah.  i'm realizing daily that moving to ohio might be one of the hardest things i've done.  let's be honest, ohio has a lot to compete with.  i've had a brain tumor ripped out through my nose!  however, that doesn't seem to compare.  my mom was there to take care of me when i was tired and sad.  my family & friends feel so far away.  way more than 1800 miles.   

even when the days are good, i crawl into bed at night completely exhausted and drained.   i fight tears and tell myself it will be brighter in the morning.  of course it always IS brighter in the morning, i mean, have you seen boog's smile?  it will probably make me sound like a pathetic person, but boog is the reason i get out of bed in the morning.  if i didn't have him, well, i don't really want to think how much of a wreck i'd be.  he keeps me in a routine.  wake up, breakfast, get ready for the day (this step leaves a lot of room for interpretation), play, lunch, play, nap, play, dinner, play, bedtime. 

i guess i want my comfort zone back.  heaven knows i am not the type who can survive too long outside of it.  i'm like a fish out of water.  a very lonely, lame, pathetic fish.  

i know it will take more time.  i have a really bad habit of wanting everything to be okay RIGHT NOW.  i just need to make it through tonight.  move through the sadness, the loneliness, and know that the dawn will come and i'll be okay.  

it's just that i'm not okay, and time isn't helping.

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1 comment:

Brianne said...

I know it sucks real bad right now but time goes by fast! I feel like we just barely moved to Portland and we're 3 months away from being halfway done with grad school. I think someone else said to pray for friends and I'd say an amen to that. I know that one of the sisters in my ward here prayed for a friend and then I moved in. We instantly became the best of friends and she makes Portland a brighter place. And it rains a lot here! You can do hard things. You are woman. :)

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